I’m going to write a 3 part series on carrying the weight of problems at work. In this first part I’m going to address how to be a “witness” of someone’s problem and be aware of how often you carry someone else’s stone.
Many people get into the jobs they do because they like to solve problems, fix things, and help people. Certainly our workplaces run smoothly when we support one another. Yet many people believe that the way to support a co-worker or ‘help’ them is to solve their problem. Sometimes the best way to support a co-worker is to simply listen attentively and witness their struggle. In the Buddhist tradition this is referred to as practicing compassionate understanding. In the co-dependent movement this is called paying attention to what’s yours to do vs. not yours to do.
So what do you do when a co-worker comes to you with a problem? The first and central question to ask is – who’s problem is it? Is this mine to do or not? That can sometimes be the hardest issue to discern. One reason I like a coaching and empowerment approach, whether you are a supervisor or not, is that it focuses the problems on those whose responsibility it is to resolve. In other words- whose stone is it to carry?
Think back on a time when you’ve taken someone’s problem from them and you carried it instead? Do that with several colleagues and you’re now carrying a bagful of stones. Do you want to carry around that much weight?
So the first part of examining when you carry stones is to be aware of when you take on other people’s problems and fix it for them. This week notice how often someone comes to you to fix their problem. Simply notice the situations and practice discerning whether you need to take on their problem. No need to criticize yourself when you pick up another’s stone that they could handle, simply be aware when that happens. Guilt or shame are only more stones to carry that you don’t need to add to your bag.
If you find yourself in a situation to hear another’s struggle, and you can see that it’s not your problem to solve, practice being a witness to their struggle. Notice how you feel being witness to another’s pain. Do you feel uncomfortable when someone else is in pain or struggling? Sometimes the temptation is to fix another’s problem because we feel uncomfortable with their pain or turmoil. In other situations, we can get a big ego boost when we save the day for another. I invite you to pay attention to how you feel as a problem solver and helper. This week be aware of how it feels to witness another’s struggle that is not yours to fix. Practice letting the stone sit where it is without carrying it for others.
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For more resources, see our Library topic Spirituality in the Workplace.
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Linda is an author, speaker, coach, and consultant. Go to her website www.lindajferguson.com to read more about her work, view video clips of her talks, and find out more about her book “Path for Greatness: Spirituality at Work” available on Amazon.