All About Leadership: How Do I Lead?

All About Leadership: How Do I Lead?

Extensive guidelines for leading oneself, other individuals, groups and organizations

Leadership and Supervision in Business - Book Cover

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD, Authenticity Consulting, LLC.
Adapted from the Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision in Business
and Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision for Nonprofit Staff.

It seems there has been an explosion of articles about leading and leadership and what to do to be a great leader. Their suggestions can seem so broad and wide-ranging that it can be difficult to know just what to do next when trying to lead. Some seem so romanticized and idealized that it is hard to imagine anyone being a truly great leader. Yet, there are some practical skills needed in leading, and they can quite different depending on whether you are leading yourself, other individuals, groups or organizations — and on the situation each is in. This topic provides the resources to develop those skills. However, if you want to truly understand leadership (and this topic assumes that you do), then you should be acquainted with its broad context, including the diversity of theories, models and styles in leadership. This topic mentions all of those, as well.

The guidelines and resources in this topic are not sufficient to develop strong competencies in leadership. Those competencies come from extensive experience in applying that information.

Sections of This Topic Include

Also consider
Related Library Topics

WHAT IS LEADERSHIP?

Different Definitions

Books and trainings about leadership often start by defining leadership. It is based on the premise that if you can come to your own definition, then you will be more clear about whether you are successfully leading or not, and you will be able to explain to your followers how you are leading them and why. When coming to your own definition, it helps to consider others’ opinions and definitions.

Leadership Defined (includes numerous definitions of leadership)

By Steve Wolinski

There are hundreds of definitions of leadership and this is not an attempt to come to a consensus on a definition. The hope is to get readers to reflect on what they believe about leadership. It is also an attempt to give blog participants a general sense of how certain “experts” are describing leadership, in the hope that you may come to your own definition, which can then be used to guide your work.

What is Leadership?

Some view leadership as a series of specific traits or characteristics. Others see it as comprised of certain skills and knowledge. And some, me included, think of leadership as a process. This view of leadership, as a process, places an emphasis on social interaction and relationship. This is the idea that leadership is a type of relationship, one that typically includes influencing others in a certain direction. This leads to my current working definition of leadership: Leadership is a relationship that involves the mobilizing, influencing, and guiding of others toward desired goals. This definition does not assume that the goals are shared or even explicit. The word desire simply means that someone in the relationship, perhaps just the person in a leadership role, wants a particular outcome. The following are some definitions that have a bias toward leadership as a process:

“Leadership is a process of giving purpose (meaningful direction) to collective effort, and causing willing effort to be expended to achieve purpose.” (Jacobs & Jaques)
“Leadership is the process of influencing the activities of an individual or a group in efforts toward goal achievement in a given situation.” (Hersey & Blanchard)
“Leadership is an attempt at influencing the activities of followers through the communication process and toward the attainment of some goal or goals.” (Donelly)
“Leadership is defined as the process of influencing the activities of an organized group toward goal achievement.” (Rauch & Behling)
“Leadership is interpersonal influence, exercised in a situation, and directed, through the communication process, toward the attainment of a specified goal or goals.” (Tannenbaum, et al)

It has been my experience that many organizational leaders, knowingly or unknowingly, view leadership as a set of specific traits or skills. Below are a few definitions that are grounded in skills and, to a lesser extent, traits.

“Leadership is a function of knowing yourself, having a vision that is well communicated, building trust among colleagues, and taking effective action to realize your own leadership potential”. (Bennis)
“Leadership is about articulating visions, embodying values, and creating the environment within which things can be accomplished.” (Richards and Engle)
“Leadership is the creation of a vision about a desired future state which seeks to enmesh all members of an organization in its net.” (Bryman)
“It is a complex moral relationship between people, based on trust, obligation, commitment, emotion, and a shared vision of the good.” (Ciulla)

These definitions are entirely valid perspectives — they are simply different from a leadership as process perspective. Having said that, it is my impression that, overall, definitions of leadership are becoming more process and relationship oriented.

How Important Is It to Have a Definition of Leadership?

In my role as a leadership consultant it is not necessary for me to share my clients definition of leadership – but it is important to know whether they have a definition and, if they do, what is included in that definition. If there isn’t an understanding of what leadership entails it diminishes the likelihood that the client will get what they want from our relationship. It is similar to a client looking to hire a consultant to increase employee engagement and, after digging a bit deeper with the client, discovering that what they are actually looking for is a way to improve the efficiency of work processes.

Common Definitions of Leadership Miss the Point

by Carter McNamara, Authenticity Consulting

Most definitions of leadership are in regard to leading other individuals. However, a common assertion is that you cannot successfully lead others unless you first can successfully lead yourself. That includes having skills in, for example, career development, personal development, personal productivity and personal wellness.

Thus, perhaps are more accurate and encompassing definition of leadership is “the nature of activities in clarifying direction and influencing progress in that direction”.

Various Other Definitions

Is Leading Different than Managing? (Pros and Cons)

Traditional views of management associate it with four major functions: planning, organizing, leading and controlling/coordinating. However, many educators, practitioners and writers disagree with this traditional view. They see leading as being quite different than managing. Yet, others continue to see the four functions as being highly integrated. After reading about the different opinions and definitions, what do you think?

View That Leading is Different Than Managing

Maintaining the Delicate Balance between Leadership and Management

By Dr. Greg Waddell.

Management and Leadership are two very different systems of human behavior. Both are essential to the success of an organization; yet, like the repulsing polarity of two magnets, they push against one another and, if not kept in balance, can end up ejecting one or the other causing great damage to the organization and its people. It is difficult, yet necessary, to maintain both strong leadership and strong management simultaneously.

People are naturally reluctant to step into change and the discomfort we experience when we find ourselves in the midst of ambiguity. Much of what we call “organization” is the struggle to reign in that ambiguity and bring things back to a state of equilibrium. Management is about developing systems and processes that enable us to take dominion over chaos. It is an attempt to create a semblance of order and constancy in an inherently complex situation. It’s about designing plans and systems for monitoring progress and controlling outcomes. It involves solving problems, giving reports, having meetings, and developing policies, all for the purpose of bringing things to a place of efficiency, where the ambiguity is dispelled and people can feel comfortable again.

The problem is that, in a rapidly-changing environment, equilibrium can be deadly. The external environment today is a bit like whitewater rafting. To survive, you have to constantly shift your weight from one side of the raft to the other, thrust your paddle first to the left and then to the right, or use it to push off a rapidly approaching rock. This is when you need leadership rather than management.

Leadership is about change. It’s about helping the organization define its vision, one that can take advantage of opportunities and avoid oncoming threats. It’s about challenging people to grow and to unleash their yet untapped potential. It’s about inspiring people to step into uncharted territory. Leaders get nervous when things are running too smoothly; often introducing innovative ideas just to stir things up a bit. CEO, Renato Beninatto of Milengo, a translation and localization industry, uses the term “chief instigator” to describe his job. Whereas managers constantly try to adjust to change, leaders are in the business of producing change.

It’s important to understand that both are necessary for success. Unfortunately, some organizations I have been acquainted with continue to value management over leadership. In these situations, the leadership function can be mistakenly identified as subversive to the organization’s welfare. The call for unity is often a demand that those with innovative thoughts keep them to themselves. The status quo is confused with the sacred. If organizations are to stay afloat and thrive in today’s volatile environment, they must recognize that leadership is essential. In the Bible there is a saying about putting new wine into old wineskins and thus causing the wineskins to burst because they lack flexibility. The new wine must be put into new wineskins. Management tries to hold the wine in a manageable form. Leadership is the process of changing from the old, dried-out, leaky wineskins to the new, more resilient, more adjustable forms.

View That Separating “Leading” from “Managing” Can Be Destructive

by Carter McNamara, Authenticity Consulting

Another view is that to be a very effective member of an organization (whether executive, middle manager, or entry-level worker), you need skills in all of the traditional functions of management, including planning, organizing, leading and coordinating activities — the key is you need to be able to emphasize different skills at different times.

Yes, leading is different than planning, organizing and coordinating because leading is focused on influencing people, while the other functions are focused on “resources” in addition to people. But that difference is not enough to claim that “leading is different than managing” any more than one can claim that “planning is different than managing” or “organizing is different than managing”.

The assertion that “leading is different than managing” — and the ways that these assertions are made — can cultivate the view that the activities of planning, organizing and coordinating are somehow less important than leading. The assertion can also convince others that they are grand and gifted leaders who can ignore the mere activities of planning, organizing and coordinating — they can leave these lesser activities to others with less important things to do in the organization. This view can leave carnage in organizations. Here is an example of a too-common situation that occurs in organizations when certain individuals see themselves as quite apart from the activities of planning, organizing and coordinating resources.
Founder’s Syndrome — How Organizations Suffer — and Can Recover

Additional Perspectives About Leading Versus Managing

TO TRULY UNDERSTAND LEADERSHIP, KNOW ITS BROAD CONTEXT

It helps to be acquainted with the different major theories because it helps you to see leadership from a variety of different perspectives and, thus, to deepen and enrich your understanding of leadership in general. There are a variety of classifications for organizing information about leadership. In this section, a theory is considered to be a set of general ideas about why a certain system (for example, a person, process, team or organization) is behaving the way that it does. A model is a general framework that depicts a theory in action. A style is a particular nature or manner in how a theory or model is applied. Even those classifications can seem to overlap in the following paragraphs.

Major Theories: Different Principles and Explanations of Leadership

Most theories view leadership as grounded in one or more of the following three perspectives: leadership as a process or relationship, leadership as a combination of traits or personality characteristics, or leadership as certain behaviors or, as they are more commonly referred to, leadership skills. In virtually all of the more dominant theories there exist the notions that, at least to some degree, leadership is a process that involves influence with a group of people toward the realization of goals. — Steve Wolinski

After reading about the different theories, which one(s) do you favor and why? The theory that you choose depends on a variety of factors. See How Do I Know Which Theory, Model and Style to Use?

Behavioral Theory

This theory focuses especially on what highly effective leaders do. This theory is often preferred by educators because behaviors can rather easily be seen and duplicated. The major criticisms are that it doesn’t help leaders know when to use certain behaviors and to share their motives for using those behaviors.

Contingency Theory

This theory states that a leader’s effectiveness is contingent on how well the leader’s style matches a specific setting or situation. And how, you may ask, is this different from situational theory? In situational the focus is on adapting to the situation, whereas contingency states that effective leadership depends on the degree of fit between a leader’s qualities and style and that of a specific situation or context. — Steve Wolinski

Functional Theory

This theory focuses especially on the behaviors needed to help a group to improve its effectiveness and achieve its goals. The theory identifies the specific functions needed by leadership for addressing certain situations.

Great Man Theory

This theory focuses on the traits and actions of those who are considered to be great leaders, as if they were born with those traits of leadership — that leadership is a trait of those people, more than any skills that they had learned.

Path-Goal Theory

This theory is about how leaders motivate followers to accomplish identified objectives. It postulates that effective leaders have the ability to improve the motivation of followers by clarifying the paths and removing obstacles to high performance and desired objectives. The underlying beliefs of path-goal theory (grounded in expectancy theory) are that people will be more focused and motivated if they believe they are capable of high performance, believe their effort will result in desired outcomes, and believe their work is worthwhile. — Steve Wolinski

Servant Leadership Theory

This conceptualization of leadership reflects a philosophy that leaders should be servants first. It suggests that leaders must place the needs of followers, customers, and the community ahead of their own interests in order to be effective. The idea of servant leadership has a significant amount of popularity within leadership circles – but it is difficult to describe it as a theory inasmuch as a set of beliefs and values that leaders are encouraged to embrace. — Steve Wolinski

Situational Theory

This theory suggests that different situations require different styles of leadership. That is, to be effective in leadership requires the ability to adapt or adjust one’s style to the circumstances of the situation. The primary factors that determine how to adapt are an assessment of the competence and commitment of a leader’s followers. The assessment of these factors determines if a leader should use a more directive or supportive style. — Steve Wolinski

Skills Theory

This theory states that learned knowledge and acquired skills/abilities are significant factors in the practice of effective leadership. Skills theory by no means disavows the connection between inherited traits and the capacity to be an effective leader – it simply argues that learned skills, a developed style, and acquired knowledge, are the real keys to leadership performance. It is of course the belief that skills theory is true that warrants all the effort and resources devoted to leadership training and development. — Steve Wolinski

Skills Theory
Skills Theory of Leadership

Trait Theory

This theory postulates that people are either born or not born with the qualities that predispose them to success in leadership roles. That is, that certain inherited qualities, such as personality and cognitive ability, are what underlie effective leadership. There have been hundreds of studies to determine the most important leadership traits, and while there is always going to be some disagreement, intelligence, sociability, and drive (aka determination) are consistently cited as key qualities. — Steve Wolinski

Transactional Theory

This is a theory that focuses on the exchanges that take place between leaders and followers. It is based in the notion that a leader’s job is to create structures that make it abundantly clear what is expected of his/her followers and also the consequences (i.e. rewards and punishments) for meeting or not meeting these expectations. This theory is often likened to the concept and practice of management and continues to be an extremely common component of many leadership models and organizational structures. — Steve Wolinski

Transformational Theory

This theory states that leadership is the process by which a person engages with others and is able to create a connection that results in increased motivation and morality in both followers and leaders. It is often likened to the theory of charismatic leadership that espouses that leaders with certain qualities, such as confidence, extroversion, and clearly stated values, are best able to motivate followers. The key in transformational leadership is for the leader to be attentive to the needs and motives of followers in an attempt to help them reach their maximum potential. In addition, transformational leadership typically describes how leaders can initiate, develop, and implement important changes in an organization. This theory is often discussed in contrast with transactional leadership. — Steve Wolinski

Additional Perspectives on Theories of Leadership

Major Models: Different Frameworks and Elements of Leadership

The following models usually have a suggested framework and/or set of elements to implement that model of leadership. However, some of the following models have also been mentioned as theories or styles. As with the different theories, an acquaintance with the different models can further your understanding of leadership. After reading about the different models, which one(s) do you favor and why? The model that you choose depends on a variety of factors.
See How Do I Know Which Theory, Model and Style to Use?

Adaptive Leadership

The adaptive leader needs to be able to connect organizational change to the core values, capabilities, and dreams of the relevant stakeholders. The adaptive leader seeks to foster a culture that collects and honors diversity of opinion and uses this collective knowledge for the good of the organization. The adaptive leader knows that change and learning can be painful for people, and is able to anticipate and counteract any reluctant behavior related to the pain. The adaptive leader understands that large scale change is an incremental process and that he/she needs to be persistent and willing to withstand pressure to take shortcuts. — Steve Wolinski

Appreciative Leadership

Appreciative leadership asserts that we all never fully “arrive” … instead, we all do the best we can a day at a time, using the best tools and resources that are available to us. Appreciative leadership shares generative stories and practical tools that can help each of us to feel that we belong and are valued, and to walk that path a little more consistently and consciously. In so doing, it may help others do the same – and make the world kinder, better place. — Steve Wolinski

Also consider
Appreciative Inquiry

Authentic Leadership

Authentic leadership asserts the need for leaders to be truly authentic human beings in their roles as leaders. Authenticity has a variety of interpretations in this approach, ranging from being respectfully honest and direct with others in the moment to be fully self-realized human beings. Critics assert that we must be careful about how we interpret authenticity so that we do not romanticize and idealize the concept to the extent that no human being could ever achieve that status – and thus the approach inadvertently becomes inauthentic in itself.

Also consider
Authenticity

Dynamic Leadership

Dynamical leaders pay attention to three conditions to ensure an effective, highly functioning organization: coherence, resilience, and fitness. Coherence can be thought of as an interdependence of parts. Dynamic leaders are constantly scanning their environment for potential surprises, and regard blips and trends as pieces of a larger puzzle to be solved. Resilience is the ability to integrate, re-calibrate and recover quickly when challenged. — Steve Wolinski

Heroic Leadership

Heroic leadership is when followers are greatly influenced by a leader in whom they have strong confidence to solve complex problems and achieve great goals — in that sense, the leader is their hero. Critics caution us to not take this to extremes, that is, that the hero is not to be seen as someone who can save us from any situation. Rather, the heroic leader is someone that we greatly respect and, thus, we are willing to follow him or her.

Also consider

Systems and Complexity Leadership

This approach to leadership is from the believe that “today is so interconnected and interdependent that leaders need to differentiate situations that are complex from those that are complicated – think Everglades (Complex) versus Rolex watch (complicated) or customer relations (Complex) versus financial spreadsheet (complicated).” — Carol Mase

Also consider
the “Unleashing the Power” series in the section Leading Yourself
Systems Thinking

VUCA Leadership

The VUCA framework focuses on the competencies needed to lead and act effectively in a Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous world. The framework is based on the premises that the world is changing rapidly as never before and, thus, any static form of leadership soon becomes obsolete. — Carol Mase

Also consider

Conventional Styles: Different Ways of Leading

Different styles of leadership can range from very directive and influential to very supportive and consensus-based. The style that you use depends on a variety of factors. After reading about the different styles, which one(s) do you favor and why? The style that you choose depends on a variety of factors. See How Do I Know Which Theory, Model and Style to Use?

Overview of Conventional Styles

Autocratic (Authoritarian) Leadership

Autocratic leaders rarely solicit information from those they lead, rather these leaders make decisions based on their own perspectives, assumptions and conclusions. This style is the opposite of the participatory leaders.

Charismatic Leadership

Charismatic leaders influence others by the nature of their personality, for example, by being highly visionary, inspirational and motivational. As with other styles of leadership, the charismatic leader can influence others for highly moral or immoral reasons.

Participative (Democratic) Leadership

Participative leadership is when the leader encourages other to take part in decision-making and problem-solving. It can range from decisions being made by the leader after suitable discussion to decisions being made by consensus of the participants. This approach often results in stronger understanding and commitment to the outcomes of the participation.

Laissez-Faire Leadership

This style can be seen as a hands-off style in which the leaders delegate responsibilities and decisions to the followers. The leaders do not see themselves becoming involved unless their is a problem that requires it.

Different Domains of Leadership — Each Needing Different Skills

There are at least five different domains or primary areas of focus of leadership, each of them requiring somewhat different skills in leadership. This is often forgotten. For example:

Leading yourself requires skills, for example, in self-confidence, assertiveness and stress management.
Leading other individuals requires skills, for example, in delegating, mentoring and coaching.
Leading groups requires skills, for example, in team building, facilitation and team performance management.
Leading organizations requires skills, for example, in strategic planning, organizational change and organizational performance management.
Leading communities requires skills, for example, in community organizing and collaboration.

The skills in leading can increase in complexity as the primary focus of leadership expands. Also, the types of the skills can overlap and be highly integrated with each other as the primary focus expands.

Unfortunately, we too often focus primarily on that second domain and then make strong assertions about what are always the most important leadership skills, forgetting that it really depends on the primary focus of the leadership.
Understanding All Aspects of Leadership – 20 Different Perspectives on Leadership

HOW TO LEAD YOURSELF, OTHERS, GROUPS AND ORGANIZATIONS

How Do I Know Which Theory, Model and Style to Use?

Key Considerations When Deciding How to Lead

Your decision depends on the following. If you are leading another person, group or organization, then you might discuss the considerations with the other person or the leaders of the group or organization.

What you believe to be the most important explanation for successful leadership (which theory you prefer?)
What you believe to be the most important framework and elements in successful leadership (which model you prefer?)
Your natural style (do you prefer mostly to give advice to direct others or ask thoughtful questions to bring out wisdom and conclusions from others?)
Whether you are leading yourself, another individual, a group or an organization (different skills are needed for each)
The culture — the nature — of the other person, group or organization
The life cycle and strategic priorities of the group or organization (see Basic Overview of Life Cycles in Organizations)

Resort to Needed Competencies for a Situation?

The above considerations can make it rather challenging when trying to determine how to lead. That is why leadership development programs often focus on desired competencies. A competency is a set of needed knowledge (new useful information), skills (effective application of that knowledge) and abilities (natural or instinctive expertise to use skills in a variety of situations) to do a certain task or job.

Competencies can be identified by using a variety of methods. For example, by observing others who already have strong skills and abilities in leading. Another source is to research various best practices or standards of excellence in leading. Then a training and development program is customized to develop those competencies in others.

Some Suggested Core Competencies to Lead In Any Situation

Various experts would disagree on what skills and practices should be required for leaders in organizations. Various roles and skills are listed throughout the next sections in this topic. However, it would be difficult to undertake them without having the following core competencies.

There is a vast range of articles suggesting core competencies for leaders. Many of them are referenced in
Miscellaneous Perspectives

How to Lead Yourself

Reminder: As stated above, there are several considerations when deciding how to lead. Be sure to read How Do I Know Which Theory, Model and Style to Use? before using the resources listed in this section.

Most information about leadership seems to start from the opinion that leading is about leading other people. However, you cannot effectively lead others unless you can first effectively lead yourself. Thus, this is the most important area of leadership.

Setting Direction

Effectively Leading Yourself

Also consider

Also consider
The “Butterfly” series in the subsection
“Systems-Based Leadership” in the section Major Models and Approaches.

How to Lead Another Individual

The activities in leading other individuals who report directly to the leader in an organization is often referred to as Supervision, so that topic also might also be useful to you.

Setting Direction (depending on the situation)

Establishing Performance Goals

Various Methods of Influencing Individuals

“Advanced” — Effectively Leading Other Individuals

Also consider

How to Lead a Group

Note that some experts believe that the dynamics of a collection of about 12 people or less is quite different than a collection of 12 or more — 12 or more becomes more like what we think of as an “organization” with a distinct culture. Many people think of a “team” as apart from a group — they think of a team as a collection of people with a specific purpose and organized to achieve certain goals.

Methods of Influencing Groups

“Advanced” — Effectively Leading Groups

How to Lead an Organization

The topic of leading large groups and organizations is often referred to as organizational change and development. Thus, the topic Guidelines, Methods and Resources for Organizational Change Agents will be especially useful to those following the links in this section.

Setting Direction

Methods of Influence

Organizational Performance Management (includes numerous methods and movements)

“Advanced” — Effectively Leading in Organizations

Test – What is Your Own Preferred Leadership Style Now?

First, you might find out what your preferred leadership style is now. Take this online quiz:

What’s Your Leadership Style?

Do you want to change anything about your style or leadership skills? You can improve your skills in a rather informal approach or in a carefully designed and systematic approach. The latter is often referred to as a leadership development program. Here are guidelines for either approach.

How to Design Your Leadership Development Program

MISCELLANEOUS TOPICS AND PERSPECTIVES IN LEADERSHIP

Miscellaneous Topics in Leadership

Women in Leadership

Unconventional Views of Leadership

Leading Nonprofits

The vast majority of guidelines about leading for-profit and government organizations also apply to nonprofits, so do consider the above information in this topic.

Cultivating Meaning

Leadership and the Quest for Meaning

Miscellaneous Perspectives on Leadership

There is a great deal of anecdotal information about leadership — much of it seems more in the realm of spiritual development than leadership. For example, leaders are encouraged to have integrity, compassion, vision, charisma, fortitude, humility, listening skills, decision-making skills, problem-solving skills, authenticity, strong ethical principles, continuous learning, courage, wisdom, humor, tenacity, balance, strong sense of purpose, assertiveness, facilitation skills, planning skills, knowledge of the industry, change management skills, coaching skills, delegation skills and meeting management skills.

They are encouraged to deftly switch between different modes of leading, e.g., adaptive leadership, appreciative leadership, authentic leadership, charismatic leadership, heroic leadership, participative leadership, servant leadership, transformational leadership and VUCA leadership but rarely autocratic leadership or Laissez-Faire leadership.

Here are some additional perspectives about leadership.

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Leadership

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to Leadership. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

For the Category of Leadership:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

January 18, 2022March 29, 2023

Understand Generational Differences: Guidelines and Resources

Understand Generational Differences: Guidelines and Resources

Sections in This Topic Include

What Are Generational Differences?
Overview of Perceived Differences Between Generations
Are Generational Differences a Myth?
Guidelines for Managing Different Generations

Also consider
Related Library Topics

What Are Generational Differences?

What is a Generation?

Before we go on to discuss any perceived differences between generations, as well as those who believe that the differences are a myth, let’s understand what the term “generation” means.

The Center for Generational Kinetics defines a generation as:

“… a group of people born around the same time and raised around the same place. People in this birth cohort exhibit similar characteristics, preferences, and values over their lifetimes.”

Wikipedia defines a generation as:

“all of the people born and living at the same time, regarded collectively” and “the average period generally considered to be about thirty years, during which children are born and grow up, and begin to have children of their own.”

What Do We Mean by Generational Differences”?

There appear to be differences in the values, beliefs and opinions between different generations of people. While some believe strongly in the differences, others believe they are a myth. Those believing in the differences assert that they are important to recognize and accommodate, especially in settings having multiple generations, such as in today’s workforce.

What do we mean by generational differences? Wikipedia gives a useful definition that can contribute to our understanding. The definition is of a generation gap, a phrase often used when referring to generational differences:

A generation gap or generational gap is a difference of opinions between one generation and another regarding beliefs, politics, or values.

Overview of Perceived Differences Between Generations

What Are the Different Generations?

There are different perspectives on their names and the range of dates for their births, including between different countries. The Center itemizes the following categories in its Generational Breakdown: Info About All of the Generations:

Traditionalists or Silent Generation – 1945 and before
Baby Boomers – 1946-1964
Generation X – 1965-1976
Millennials or Gen Y – 1977-1995
Generation Z or iGen or Centennials – 1996-now

(At least one source refers to Gen Y and Gen Z as the Millennials.)

What Are the Perceived Differences?

The Generational Differences Chart gives a concise comparison of the first four categories of generations. For the sake of discussing generational differences in leadership, management and the workforce, we’ll focus especially on the Chart’s aspect of “Preferred Work Environment”.

Traditionalists value workplaces that are conservative, hierarchical and have a clear chain of command and top-down management.
Baby Boomers value workplaces that have flat hierarchies, democratic cultures, humane values, equal opportunities, and warm and friendly environments.
Generation X values workplaces that are positive, fun, efficient, fast-paced, flexible, informal and have access to leadership and information.
Millennials value workplaces that are collaborative, achievement-oriented, highly creative, positive, diverse, fun, flexible and continuously providing feedback.
Forbes adds that Generation Z is motivated by security, may be more competitive, wants independence, will multi-task, is more entrepreneurial, wants to communicate face-to-face, is truly digital- native and wants to be catered to.

The article The Key to Managing a Multigenerational Team: Don’t Overthink It mentions the results of research conducted by the Robert Half company among finance leaders. The great differences were in these three areas:

Communication skills (30 percent)
The ability to adapt to change (26 percent)
Technical abilities (23 percent)

Regarding communication skills, Baby Boomers tend to be more reserved, Gen X favors command-and-control, Gen Y prefers collaboration and Gen Z prizes in-person communications.

Regarding change management, Baby Boomers are cautious, Gen X and Gen Y see it as a new opportunity, and Gen Z is accustomed to change and even expects it.

Regarding technical ability, Baby Boomers and Gen X value instructor-led courses and self-learning tools, while Millennials prefer collaborative and technology-centered options.

Are Generational Differences a Myth?

In the article The Myth of Generational Differences in the Workplace, researcher Jennifer J. Deal argues that working-age generations value the same thing. Everyone wants a good relationship with their supervisors, are cautious of change, appreciate feedback and work the number of hours that corresponds to their role in the organization. She argues that differences between generations have much more to do with dealing with the extent of authority between generations, especially in families and at work.

The article Generational Differences: Myths and Realities mentions research findings that employees from different generations have a lot in common and that differences exist because of external factors such as global demographics, education and living costs, and other economic factors.

This article A 5-Year Study Reveals the Truth About What Each Generation Wants in the Workplace (It’s Not What You Think) mentions that a large study by the Hay Group found that differences between generations have more to do with the stage of development of employees, as opposed to their generation.

Why Generational Differences Are a Workplace Myth
The Real Truth About Generational Differences
Intergenerational BS – People Are People
An Age-Old Challenge: Multigenerational Teams

Guidelines for Managing Different Generations

Regardless of whether there are major differences between generations, problems can arise especially when perpetrating negative stereotypes of generations, for example, that traditionalists are rigid, baby boomers fear technology and millennials don’t work hard.

Instead, ask each person about what they value in the workplace and how they prefer to work.
During individual employee performance review meetings, respectfully ask each employee what could make the workplace even more supportive for them.
Communicate to people according to their preferred communication styles.
As much as practical, customize their work according to their preferences.
Recognize your own biases. We all have them and they can greatly affect what we see — and don’t see — in the workplace.
Understand that there are numerous different motivators and each person might be motivated by something quite different than another.
Arrange ways for people from different generations to meet each other. That is one of the most powerful ways for people to overcome differences.
Notice increasing frustrations and conflicts in the workplace. Ask for ideas from people from different generations to notice any patterns in the causes.
Avoid talking about generational stereotypes. That can be offensive to many. People want to be recognized for their individuality.
Use a leadership style that is participative and consensus-oriented, and explain the benefits of using that style.

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see the following blogs that have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the
sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to numerous free related resources.

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

January 18, 2022March 24, 2023

Office Politics

Office Politics

Various Perspectives on Office Politics

Eliminate office politics and end many problems
in companies — Wichita Business Journal — 1998-02-09
Are You the Victim of Office Politics?
Office
Politics
Office Romances

Also consider
Building
Trust
Career Advancement (and Dealing With a Boss)
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict
(Interpersonal)
Etiquette
(Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

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In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which
have posts related to Office Politics. Scan down the blog’s page to see various
posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or
click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books

January 18, 2022September 16, 2022

Negotiating with Others

Man and woman shaking hands after a deal

Negotiating with Others (Negotiation Skills)

Assembled by Carter McNamara,
MBA, PhD

Various Perspectives on Negotiating With Others

Win-Win Negotiation
Negotiation

Negotiation
Articles
Building Bridges Through Negotiation
Why Nobody Wins Unless Everybody Wins
How to Agreeably Disagree in 4 Steps
5 Things You Should Never Say While Negotiating
Negotiations: 3 Steps to a “YES” and a Great Relationship

Also consider
Building
Trust
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict
(Interpersonal)
Etiquette
(Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Negotiating

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see the following blogs
that have posts related to Negotiating. Scan down the blog’s page to see various
posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of
the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.
The blog also links to numerous free related resources.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books

January 18, 2022March 29, 2023

How to Value Diversity, Equity and Inclusion – Guidelines and Free Resources

Smiling-woman-writing-notes on-tablet-digital-device

How to Value Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

Sections of This Topic Include

Diversity and Inclusion Can Have a Huge Positive Affect
But What Are Diversity and Inclusion?
How Well Is Your Organization Appreciating Diversity and Cultivating Inclusion?
Basic Guidelines to Culturally-Specific Interactions
How to Learn Basics About Another Person’s Values and Culture
How to Talk About Management and Leadership in Diverse Environments
Strategies to Cultivate Diversity and Inclusion in the Workplace
General Resources About Diversity and Inclusion

Also consider
Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Multi-Culturalism and Diversity

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to Multi-Culturalism and Diversity. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Can Have a Huge Positive Affect

In today’s highly diverse organizations, the ability to work with people having diverse values and cultures is extremely important. An organization’s culture is driven by the values throughout that organization. Employees need to feel included — that their values are being recognized, understood and respected.

They need to feel that their ideas and concerns are being heard. Those conditions create strong motivation and momentum for strong satisfaction and performance in their jobs.

It can be a major challenge to work with people and cultures where others have values, beliefs and certain conventions that are distinctly different from yours. Differences can lead to increased resistance to leadership and change because others might not understand and trust you.

For example, Western cultures tend to be highly rational and value things that are very useful in meeting a current need. They value rugged individualism and competition. Some cultures might value patience, a sense of community and getting along with others, and still others might value direct authority and privacy. Some cultures may be overly deferential to the leader. Some cultures are deeply guarded about private matters.

You and your employees might not even realize that you all have very different values. There are no universal laws to ensure conformity in each culture. Because of complexities in continually learning the cultures of your organization, it is critical for you to continually be open to differences and ask for help from your employees.

Although working in highly diverse and multicultural organizations comes with its own unique challenges, it comes with many benefits, as well. There are few other such powerful experiences in which you can learn so much about people and organizations and also about yourself. The following guidelines are intended to focus on the most practical suggestions for appreciating diversity in life and work and also for supporting others and yourself to feel included.

Here are some articles that add to the above points:

But What Are Diversity, Equity and Inclusion?

Both have become prominent topics in today’s organizations. But what do both terms mean? Ferris State University suggests these definitions:

“Diversity is the range of human differences, including but not limited to race, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, social class, physical ability or attributes, religious or ethical values system, national origin, and political beliefs.

Inclusion is involvement and empowerment, where the inherent worth and dignity of all people are recognized. An inclusive university promotes and sustains a sense of belonging; it values and practices respect for the talents, beliefs, backgrounds, and ways of living of its members.”

It might help to consider a variety of different definitions.

How Well Is Your Organization Appreciating Diversity and Cultivating Inclusion?

Most people probably feel that they are very appreciative of diversity and always help others to feel included. Here are a variety of assessments that you might take about yourself and your organization to get a more accurate perspective.

Basic Guidelines to Improve Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

The following guidelines might be useful, especially if you are new to the organization.

1. Be aware of your personal biases, style, preferences, lens and focus.

This is critically important for successful leadership in any type of culture. You make a major difference in your organization, whether you know it or not, just by exposing it to your own nature and style of working. Thus, you need to understand your nature.

2. Realize that each part of an organization probably has a unique culture.

For example, the secretarial staff might interact with each other in a manner quite different from that of the marketing staff. In larger organizations, there are often several differences, for example, between senior management and support staff.

3. Promptly convey to employees that you want to be sensitive to their culture.

You should start in your first interaction with them. State that you recognize that different people might work differently depending on their own personalities and the culture of the overall organization. Ask them how you can understand the nature of their organization.

4. Consider getting a mentor, or representative, from the organization.

Attempt to get someone from the organization to help you understand their culture and how to work in a manner compatible with the culture of the organization. This request is not a sign of weakness or lack of expertise; rather it is an authentic request that better serves you and your employees.

How to Learn Basics About Another Person’s Values and Culture

Consider asking others to help you understand how each of the following aspects might be unique in the culture of the organization. Key cultural aspects that might affect your leadership include:

Assertiveness Are members of your organization comfortable being honest and direct with each other? If not, how can you still be as authentic as possible and help them to be as authentic as possible, as well?
Body language Are there any specific cues that you can notice to help you to sense how others are experiencing you?
Communication styles and direction Is communication fairly direct and specific or more indirect and general? Does information flow mostly “upward” to executives or is it widely disseminated?
Conflict Is conflict considered bad and avoided? Or is conflict accepted as normal and directly addressed when it appears?
Eye contact Are members of the organization comfortable with sustained eye contact during communication or not?
Gestures Are there any specific gestures that can cause members of the organization discomfort or confusion?
Humor Is use of humor in the organization rather widespread? Is there anything about the use of humor about which you should be aware?
Information collection Should you be aware of any potential problems or use any certain precautions when conducting interviews or using assessments?
Physical space For example, are members of your organization quite conscious of having a minimum amount of space around them when they work or speak with others?
Power Are members attuned to certain people of power when solving problems and making decisions? Is power based on authority and/or respect?
Silence Are members uncomfortable with silence during communication? Or is it a common aspect of communicating in their workplace?
Time Is time a precious commodity that seems to underlie many activities, or can activities take as long as they need to take to be done effectively?
Wording Are there certain words or phrasings that cause discomfort when people from different cultures interact?

How to Talk About Management and Leadership in Diverse Environments

It is not uncommon for people of any culture to experience confusion or engage in protracted arguments about activities only to realize later on that they have been in agreement all along – they had been using different definitions for the same terms. Therefore, it is important to ensure that all of you are “speaking the same language” about activities. The following guidelines are most important when ensuring people continue to understand each other when talking about management activities.

Recognize Difference Between Terms That Refer to Results Versus Activities to Produce Those Results

It is common for people from different cultures to become confused because different people are talking about results and others about the activities to produce the results. For example, some people refer to the “plan” to be the document, and others refer to the “plan” to be the activity of developing the plan. It is usually most clear to use the term “plan” to refer to the document itself, and use the term “planning” for the activities that produces the plan.

Here is another example. Inexperienced leaders sometimes assert that, because employees do not have a tangible plan/document on the shelf and do not explicitly reference the document on a regular basis, the employees are not doing planning. That assertion can alienate the leaders from employees who believe that they have been doing planning all along (but probably implicitly) and also have a good plan – they just have not been calling their process “planning” and have not produced a written plan document. Therefore, it is important for you to recognize if your employees have their own form of a certain activity and how that form is carried out in the organization.

Be Able to Separate a Term from the Meaning of That Term

If your conversations with others about management seem to get stuck or mired in confusion, it often helps to separate terms from the intent of those terms. For example:

Rather than talking about “vision” or “goals,” talk about “what” the business wants to accomplish overall.
Rather than talking about “strategies,” talk about “how” to accomplish “what” you want to accomplish overall.
Rather than talking about “action plans,” talk about “who is going to do what, and by when.”

Hints for Talking with Others About Leadership Activities

The topic of leadership has become so prominent and passionate with so many people that it sometimes causes great confusion. Here are a few tips to help people to “stay on the same page” when talking about leadership.

1. Be clear about whether you are talking about leadership roles or traits.

When people talk about leadership, they might be talking about traits of leaders, such as being charismatic, influential and ethical. However, when others talk about leadership, they might be talking about roles of leadership, such as the Board Chair or the Chief Executive Officer. Both discussions are about leadership, but both are about quite different aspects.

2. Be clear about the domain of leadership about which you are talking.

For example, when talking about leading yourself, you might be talking about leadership skills, such as being assertive or having good time and stress management skills. When talking about leading other individuals, you might be talking about skills, such as coaching, delegating or mentoring. When talking about leading groups, you might be talking about skills, such as facilitation or meeting management. When talking about leading organizations, you might be talking about skills, such as strategic planning or business planning. In each of these four cases, the term “leadership” refers to different sets of skills.

Strategies to Cultivate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in the Workplace

General Resources About Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

Activities – Diversity and Inclusion Resources – Center for Diversity and Inclusion (CDI) – University of Houston
Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Resources | Equity and Inclusion
Best Practices in Diversity and Inclusion
Extensive List of Links to Human Rights Organizations

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources. Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

January 18, 2022September 16, 2022

How to Develop Interpersonal and Soft Skills: Guidelines and Resources

Smiling business people chatting together

How to Develop Interpersonal and Soft Skills: Guidelines and Resources

Guidelines for developing interpersonal and soft skills are included in the books Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision in Business and Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision for Nonprofit Staff.

Sections of This Topic Include

What Are Soft Skills?
Why Are They So Important?
How to Develop Soft Skills
Extensive Resources to Develop Soft Skills

What Are Soft Skills?

Some Definitions

You could read any 10 articles about the most important skills to have in your life and work, and you will probably find mention of “soft skills” in most of them. Other phrases you would find are “human skills” or “people skills”, which are other phrase referring to essentially the same type of skills. But what are soft skills? Wikipedia gives one of the most comprehensive definitions:

Soft skills are a combination of people skills, social skills, communication skills, character or personality traits, attitudes, career attributes, social intelligence and emotional intelligence quotients, among others, that enable people to navigate their environment, work well with others, perform well, and achieve their goals with complementing hard skills.

Investopedia adds:

In the workplace, soft skills are considered to be a complement to hard skills, which refer to a person’s knowledge and occupational skills. … Soft skills have more to do with who people are, rather than what they know. … Hard skills can be learned and perfected over time, but soft skills are more difficult to acquire and change.

Categories of Soft Skills

Marisa Morby suggests two categories, including internal and external soft skills. Internals are about how you relate to yourself and include, for example, self-confidence, self-awareness, accepting criticism, critical thinking, resilience and a growth mindset.

Examples of externals includes skills in collaboration, communications, interpersonal, managing conflict, adaptability, networking, influencing and negotiating.

Why Are They So Important?

Trust the Research

There is good reason for the frequent mention of soft skills, especially in the workplace. It is more than just a fad — plenty of research backs up their importance. For example, the National Soft Skills Association cites research conducted by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation and Stanford Research Center. It found that 85% of job success comes from having well-developed soft and people skills. The other 15% of job success comes from technical skills and knowledge (hard skills).

The American Management Association writes “Research conducted with Fortune 500 CEOs by the Stanford Research Institute International and the Carnegie Melon Foundation, found that 75% of long- term job success depends on people skills, while only 25% on technical knowledge.”

Google did an internal study about the traits of the most innovative and productive groups in the company. They found that the best teams were interdisciplinary and included employees who had strong soft skills.

What Are the Benefits of Soft Skills in Life and Work?

It improves a person’s ability to:

Better manage themselves by being more self-aware and accepting of themselves.
Be more resilient and adaptable, especially in complex and challenging situations.
Effectively work with others by having the self-confidence to give and receive useful feedback and coaching with others.
Really understand others by actively listening to them and empathizing with them.
Deal with interpersonal and group conflicts by fully understanding and accepting of other points of view.
Solve complex problems by having more effective critical thinking and collaborative skills.
Be a more effective leader by having more self-confidence and influence.
Advance in career development by having more effective networking.

How to Develop Soft Skills

First, remember that new learning is new knowledge, skills and abilities. New knowledge is information that is useful to you somehow. New skills are being able to effectively apply that new knowledge. New abilities are the capacity to effectively apply those skills in a variety of situations. So, to develop soft skills, you need to practice applying guidelines and materials about soft skills, ideally with the guidance of someone who has strong skills in teaching soft skills.

Consider the tips in the following useful articles:

Also consider forming a study group in which members can practice their soft skills with each
other.

Extensive Resources to Build Your Soft Skills

In the following, we will use Marisa Morby’s two categories of soft skills. The skills listed in each category do not necessarily match those in her article.

Internal Soft Skills

External Soft Skills

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

See the following blogs which have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

January 18, 2022September 18, 2022

Etiquette (Manners)

Etiquette (Manners)

Various Perspectives on Etiquette and Manners

Welcome
to Manners Matter
Failing to observe good etiquette is bad manners,
bad for business
Etiquette at Work

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Etiquette

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which
have posts related to Etiquette. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts.
Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click
on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s Crisis
Management Blog
Library’s Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision
Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books

January 18, 2022March 29, 2023

How to Develop Skills in Empathy

How to Develop Skills in Empathy

Test – How Good Are Your Empathy Skills Now?

Understand Your Biases and How They Affect Others
How to Put Yourself “in Their Shoes” – Skills in Empathy
Additional Perspectives on Developing Skills in Empathy

Also consider
Related Library Topics

Test – How Good Are Your Empathy Skills Now?

Before reading more about empathy and empathy skills, it might be interesting to get an impression of the level of your skills now. Take this online quiz.

The Empathy Test

So what do you want to improve about your skills now? Consider the many guidelines in this topic.

Understand Your Biases and How They Affect Others

Your biases play a major role in how you perceive others. Your perceptions are your reality, whether they are the reality for someone else or not. Differences in perception between you and others can make the difference between successful leadership and a complete disaster. So know your own biases! For example:

Do you believe that leaders should “take charge” and lead from the front of the organization? If so, you might encounter frustration and resistance when working with others who believe that leaders should lead from the middle.
Do you believe that others should just “shut up and listen to you?” If so, they will probably only do what you say – and no more – until their frustration is overwhelming and they leave.
Do you believe that meetings should start and end on time? If so, you will certainly be frustrated with people from cultures that place far less emphasis on time.
Do you believe that most problems would be solved if people just did “what they were supposed to do”? What if people really do not know what they are supposed to do?

How to Put Yourself “in Their Shoes” – Skills in Empathy

What Is Empathy? Why Is It So Important?

Empathy is the ability to accurately put yourself “in someone else’s shoes”– to understand the other’s situation, perceptions and feelings from their point of view – and to be able to communicate that understanding back to the other person. Empathy is a critical skill for you to have as a leader.

It contributes to an accurate understanding of your employees, their perceptions and concerns. It also enhances your communication skills because you can sense what others want to know and if they are getting it from you or not. Ideally, your employees can learn skills in empathy from you, thereby helping them to become more effective leaders, managers and supervisors themselves.

Empathy is sometimes confused with sympathy. Sympathy involves actually being affected by the other person’s perceptions, opinions and feelings. For example, if an employee is frustrated and sad, the sympathetic leader would experience the same emotions, resulting in the leader many times struggling
with the same issues as the employee. Thus, sympathy can actually get in the way of effective leading.

Guidelines to Develop Empathy

1. Experience the major differences among people.

One of the best examples of strong skills in empathy is people who have traveled or worked in multicultural environments. They have learned that the way they see and experience things is often different from others.

People with little or no skills in empathy might have an intellectual awareness of these differences. However, until they actually experience these differences, their skills in empathy
will probably remain quite limited.

2. Learn to identify your own feelings – develop some emotional intelligence.

Many of us are so “processed” and “sophisticated” about feelings that we cannot readily identify them in ourselves, much less in others. For example, we might perceive thoughts to be the same as feelings. So when someone asks you how you feel about a project, you might respond, “I think we have a lot to do.” Or, we might not distinguish between related emotions, for example, between frustration and irritability or happiness and excitement.

3. Regularly ask others for their perspectives and/or feelings regarding a situation.

Silently compare their responses to what you might have thought they would be. This approach not only helps you to sharpen your own empathic skills, but also helps you to learn more about your employees.

Additional Perspectives on Developing Skills in Empathy

Empathy
Empathy Versus Sympathy
Developing Your Skills in Empathy
Steps in Developing One’s Empathic Skills
Six Steps for Developing Empathy in Social Situations

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

January 18, 2022March 29, 2023

How Others Through Emotional Pain

How to Help Others Through Emotional Pain

Sections of this Topic Include

We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way
Here is the Best Way
How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic
Support Your Friends, Start Support Groups
Other Useful Library Topics

When we try to help someone in emotional pain, we often feel like we want to
immediately solve the other person’s problem, to make them feel better. We usually
feel overwhelmed because we know there is no quick fix for the other person.

We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way

When people are feeling emotional pain, they want help. But they don’t want
to feel like they are a problem that needs to be solved — that they are person
who needs to be fixed.

Too often:

We try to fix them. “You are simply feeling that way because …”
We lecture them, like they are children. “You simply have to …”
“You should …”
We dismiss their feelings. “It’ll be better tomorrow.” “Other
people have it worse.” “Don’t feel that way …”
We try to pacify them. “Yeah, that must be terrible. Yep. Yeah. I see.
That’s tough.”
We dismiss them altogether. We do most of the talking, so we don’t have
to listen to them.

Here is the Best Way

When a person is feeling strong emotional pain, they know deep down that there
is no quick fix to their situation. They might be feeling guilty — and inadequate
that they can’t simply solve their problem on their own. They are usually feeling
very much alone.

We can best help the person by:

Being totally present for them.
Listening closely to them.
Accepting them — not judging them.
Being compassionate and understanding.
Helping to empower them — to taking some small realistic action about their
situation, not matter how small.

Often, rather than continued advice, it’s best to do what many therapists do
instead. They respectfully and tactfully ask thoughtful questions to help the
person to explore their own thinking – their perceptions, assumptions and conclusions.

See this
Quick
Reference for a Helpful Conversation

Also see
The
Most Powerful Way to Help Someone through Emotional Pain
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
5
Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain
How to Support People
in Emotional Pain
5
Ways To Help Someone Who Is Emotionally Suffering
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
To Respond Compassionately To Someone’s Suffering
5
Simple Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
to Sit With Someone Else’s Pain

How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic

Centers
for Disease Control Stress and Coping
Emotional
Well-Being During COVID-19 Outbreak
Mental Health and COVID-19
How
to Avoid Passing Anxiety On to Your Kids
Care for Your Coronavirus Anxiety
Tools
and Information On Anxiety
Social Support: Getting
and Staying Connected
Disaster
Stress Hotline
Quick
Reference For a Helpful Conversation

Support Your Friends, Start
Support Groups

The following website provides guidelines and free resources to share support
among a small group of friends. It also can help you to start support groups
as an ongoing service to others.
PeerSupportCircles.org

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see
the following blogs that have posts related to this topic. Scan
down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section
“Recent Blog Posts” in the
sidebar of the blog or click on “next”
near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to
numerous free related resources.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books

January 18, 2022September 18, 2022

How to Deal With Difficult People

How Agreeably Disagree in 4 Steps
5 Ways to Foster Healthy Communication in Conflict Situations
Additional Perspectives on Dealing With Difficult Employees

Also consider

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

How to Agreeably Disagree in 4 Steps

In today’s business world, it is imperative to be able to disagree with tact and professionalism. My coaching clients find themselves in situations where they disagree with others, yet need to rely on these same people to get work done. The way you tell someone that you disagree really matters. Agreeably Disagree is a helpful technique that lets you disagree with someone without damaging the relationship.

Here are 4 Steps to Agreeably Disagree:

1. Listen

Avoid cutting people off. Never tell them they are wrong – hear them out.

2. Acknowledge the other person’s idea/opinion/point of view by saying something like:

“I hear what you are saying”

“You have some points that make sense”

“I have not thought about it that way”

“That is an interesting perspective”

“I can see why you see it that way”

“I understand why you say that”

“I hear where you are coming from”

Be aware of your body language. Your words need to be congruent with your actions. If you roll your eyes while acknowledging, they will not believe that you are earnest.

3. Pause briefly. Use silence effectively.

Do not start out with “but, however, nevertheless”. These negative filler words will negate the fact that you are trying to hear them out. They often put people on the defensive and break down the communication.

4. State your idea/opinion/point of view by starting out with something like:

“In my experience, I…”

“My understanding is different. I …”

“Have you considered…”

“What about…”

“The literature/evidence says…”

“Because of …, I think…”

“The data I collected shows…”

Be sure to include evidence, facts, examples, personal experience, or data to substantiate your viewpoint.

By using the Agreeably Disagree technique, you preserve and strengthen the relationship by showing the other person that you heard them and respect them – even when you disagree.

5 Ways to Foster Healthy Communication in Conflict Situations

We all want to approach conflict situations with clear, honest communication that leads to a productive solution everyone can feel good about. But old habits and norms sometimes block direct, open communication. Use these suggestions as a checklist to see if you are communicating in the best possible way at your organization. If you aren’t, an open discussion and agreement to use these practices might be just what is needed to foster healthy, open communication in conflict situations.

Talk directly to the person you need to talk with. Don’t go around them. Don’t talk about them. Don’t email them. Talk to them face to face if possible, or on the phone if necessary.
Before engaging in a discussion, stop and ask, do we have the right people in the room? If others are needed to resolve the issue or to add input, get them into the discussion right away.
When you are bringing up an issue or problem, be sure to also bring ideas for a solution. Don’t just bring up issues to get them off your chest or to complain, but rather come with either a request for help or possible solutions.
Seek to understand the other person, whether you or the other person is bringing the conflict to light. How do their personal energies and styles differ from yours? How are they emotionally or rationally engaging with you? What are their perspectives? What are their perceptions?
Use a simple model to help unravel the situation. Be sure you focus on the goal of the interaction, the facts leading up to the situation, the possible solutions, and the decisions you will make. Decide who will do what, and when. Enlist others as needed to complete the action plan. Follow-up to see that what you agreed on happened.

Conflict in communication is universal; being human, we have different wants and needs, and we don’t always communicate perfectly. Keep the lines of communication open, and keep an open mind.

Additional Perspectives on Dealing With Difficult Employees

Also consider

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

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