Author: Gail Zack Anderson

In a recent post we talked about humor. In some organizations, humor and presentations don’t go together. It is seen as too risky. In others, it is practically required. Today let’s talk about when to use humor, so we can make better choices about taking the humor risk, and hopefully enjoy the benefits.

• When you are last on the schedule. If you are the last presentation of the day, or the one right before lunch, a lack of humor or energy is deadly. Get people to stand up. Have them introduce one another. Put a cartoon on your slides. Twist your words. Don’t push too hard, but allow humor to happen instead of the same-old-same-old delivery. It won’t take that much to show your audience that you “get it.”
• When your content is dry or boring. I don’t think any content really needs to be dry or boring, but some content has a bad rap for being difficult. This is when humor can shine. Can you use a humorous anecdote that illustrates the complexity (or the simplicity) of the content? A little story that demonstrates people’s reactions to it? Laugh at your acronyms? If you can get even a little chuckle, you can demonstrate that you can tackle this topic with grace and humor.
• When you need to build rapport, fast. Let’s say you are addressing your new team. Or pitching your service in front of a potential new client. Not a good place for a stand-up routine, but if you can say something funny, you will get a better reaction that spouting facts or lecturing for hours.
• When your audience is uptight or unhappy. OK, I didn’t say it would be easy, but if you can pull this one off you’ll look like a genius. I have always found that if I ignore the feelings of the audience, they will dig in deeper. Once I can acknowledge and accept their resistance, much of it dissipates. I have presented to people who have just lost their jobs, once literally during my workshop. We made a little joke about everyone disappearing one by one like an Agatha Christie mystery. Sometimes it is called gallows humor, but it beats crying.
• When you make a mistake. When you say the wrong thing, or the computer dies at your hands and you want to run screaming from the room, your first reaction may not be humor. But a flip comment here may be just the ticket to save you. “OK, that worked really well.” Everyone in the audience has felt awkward and uncomfortable at one time or another. If you can handle that with finesse, they will really be cheering for you.

One of the reasons I always prefer to interact with audiences rather than lecture is that someone is bound to say something funny, and we can all relax. And once your audience relaxes, they are far more likely to accept your message.

Of course, there is a wrong way and a right way to be funny. If you try too hard or say the wrong thing, it not only won’t be funny, but you could offend or antagonize your audience. Next time, some humor do’s and don’ts.

In what situations have you tried using humor in a presentation? How did it work? What advice do you have for others wishing to build their skills to successfully use humor in presentations?

Isn’t humor great? Doesn’t it feel good to laugh? And aren’t presentations with a little humor mixed in a lot of fun?

Of course, humor is great when it works, but what happens when you try to add a little humor in your presentations, and it just doesn’t fly? Not so fun, not so good.
Not too long ago I was working with a small group on their presentation skills, and we began talking about humor in presentations. The client quickly pulled me aside and said “Gail, we don’t encourage humor in our presentations around here. We find it way too risky.”

It got me thinking. If humor is so great when it works, and so bad when it doesn’t, maybe we need to learn a bit more about humor so we can decide when and how to use it, and how much of a risk we want to take.
Today let’s focus on why you might want to use humor. In future posts I will discuss the when and the how of using humor in your presentations, and finally, what not to do in using humor. My hope is that you might make wise choices in trying a little humor when appropriate in your presentations.

So why should you consider the use of humor, despite the risks?

• Humor can relax the audience – and us. One of the outcomes of laughter is a sense of release. If you are feeling stressed, or your audience is worried or distracted, good humor can be cathartic to everyone.

• Humor can build bridges. Once we have laughed together, we feel more like friends. We broke the ice. We are on the same side. Once we have laughed together, the audience is vested in your success, and you may feel and respond to that support.

• Humor can make us stand out from the crowd. When we spend all day in meetings and listening to webinars and speakers, one who makes you laugh feels like magic. Laughter releases endorphins, and who doesn’t need that in the midst of the workday.

• Humor can create and maintain interest. If you are a speaker who occasionally injects some humor, I am going to stay tuned in so I don’t miss the next one. I actually listen to you with anticipation.

• Humor can make us better speakers. When we see the smiling faces of our audience, and feel the release that laughter brings, and the feel-good chemicals start coursing through our bodies, we can feel more comfortable and confident. We think faster, speak with more authority, and stay in the present moment. No more worry, fear, or trying to remember our lines; we just communicate.

It’s all good. If the humor helps the audience relax and relate to us, and brings us closer together, then all is well and using humor was a wise choice. Of course, when it all goes badly, we get a different outcome. More on that next time.

How do you use humor in presentations? Is it OK to use humor in your culture? Has it ever backfired on you? What kinds of humor seem to work best? What advice would you give new or inexperienced presenters?

Skilled presenters have a sense of ease about them. You see it on their faces, in their gestures and body language, and hear it in their voices. Here is a list of the most important delivery skills to master.

1. Stand tall from the ribcage; this looks confident–strong yet relaxed. Keep your head straight but not rigid. Plant your feet. Bravo!

2. It is best to plant your feet in place most of the time. When you move, move from point A to point B deliberately, then stop and plant your feet again. No pacing.

3. To work the room, stand in the center for your opening, move every 2-3 minutes or at the start of each new topic, then return to center for a strong close.

4. Keep your hands in a neutral, relaxed position at your sides or at your waist. If your hands are locked you won’t be able to gesture.

5. Let yourself gesture naturally, and then let your hands go back to neutral/resting position.

6. For better voice projection get into the habit of opening your mouth a little wider. This helps with both volume and enunciation.

7. Sound like an expert. If any of your phrases sound like questions, you will undermine your credibility. Firm downward inflections sound best.

8. The eyes have it: to appear confident, practice making smooth, steady eye contact.

9. Pause appropriately; before you begin, after you make a point, between slides. Don’t rush.

10. Face it; your face is showing. First make sure it is relaxed and neutral. No frowns, no tension, no licking your lips. Check a mirror.

The best way to improve your delivery skills is to video a presentation or rehearsal, then watch it back with a trusted colleague or coach. Be sure to look for your strengths as well as those things you would like to change. Little changes in delivery skills can make a huge impact, but work on just one or two areas of improvement at a time.

Ever hear the phrase; you can’t NOT communicate? I think it’s true, because even when you aren’t speaking, your body language is.

Effective communicators pay attention to what their body language is saying. Why? If there is dissimilarity between what you are saying and how you are saying it, your message may be misunderstood.

Let’s say you have agreed to take on a stretch assignment at work, and you want to assure your boss that you are good to go. But your arms are folded over your chest, your head is tipped down slightly, and your words are soft and flat as you say, “I can handle it.” Does your body language agree with your words? Not in this case, and when there is dissonance listeners tend to believe the nonverbal. So your boss may hear, “I’m not sure I can handle it.”

Let’s take another example; a member of your team has just asked for some of your time to discuss an issue. You are pressed for time, but agree to have the conversation anyway. As you listen, you inadvertently keep glancing at your watch. What are you signaling about your time and attention?

In order to minimize the risk of sending nonverbal messages that negate or discount your words, begin to practice these habits:

1. Become aware of your body language. Is your head tipped down? Are your arms folded over your chest? Are you fidgeting? Are you looking away from the person? Does your face suggest stress? Just begin to notice. (If you find this difficult, you might be able to increase your own awareness by noticing the body language of people around you. Are they bored? Angry? On top of the world? How can you tell?)

2. Build neutral habits. If you habitually spin your pen around in your hand or tap the table, train yourself to be more still. If you bounce on your feet when speaking, or cross your ankles, train yourself to stand still in a balanced position. If you tend to show anxiety or stress on your face (raised eyebrows, tight mouth) train yourself to relax your face. Breathe to still your energy.

3. Look for alignment between what you say and how you say it. If you are expressing thanks or positive thoughts, try for a smile in your eyes and a sparkle in your voice. If you are expressing a serious topic, look for firm, assertive body language. If your message is neutral, so should your body language be.

4. Get some feedback. Ask a colleague or trusted advisor to observe you in a number of situations. How well-matched are your verbals and non-verbals? If they notice any habits or concerns, try video recording some of your conversations to pick up on these discrepancies. If you notice a lot of misunderstandings and think you might have a problem, ask a skilled coach for guidance.

When your body language and message are synchronized, you will experience fewer misunderstandings, and your messages will come across with more power and more impact.

We all know we probably could do a better job of listening. But have we really thought about what benefits could accrue to us and our relationships when we really listen? Listen to Doreen Johnson, founder of River Dreams™, a coaching business that helps people express their true nature. In an early corporate position, Doreen noticed herself checking her watch as meetings dragged on and on, and there was lots of talking but much less listening. She made a conscious decision to remove her watch and focus on really listening to what people were saying. She listened to the whole person, trying to determine the whole message, not just the words. Over time, she noticed her meetings were becoming less contentious, more productive, and shorter. People noticed that meetings were so much better, but they didn’t really understand what had changed. So started my conversation with Doreen, and after this story, I hung onto her every word.

True listening is not a set of skills as much as it is a state of mind. If you listen habitually, you will react to what others say. You will cut them off if they tend to go on and on. You will argue with them if they don’t agree with you. You will tune them out if you know where they are going because you have heard it all before. The result of this kind of listening is patterned behaviors which are repeated endlessly and often at length. I picture each of us enclosed in our private capsules, bumping into one another like so many bumper cars, each talking to hear ourselves. Noisy and funny sometimes, but also repetitive and somewhat meaningless. (Kind of like our meetings, only without the humor?)

Now what happens when you apply a number of listening skill rules? You know the ones; make good eye contact, nod, and say “uh huh” a lot. You can do all this and yet not really be listening. Now we are in our capsules, knocking into each other, and pretending to listen. Maybe we are listening to the words, but we still aren’t connecting at more than a superficial level. Applying technique and rules really doesn’t do much until we are ready to make the radical leap to true listening.

When you make a clear, conscious choice to simply listen without judgment, but listen to fully understand, you are listening with your heart as well as your head and your ears. You automatically take in the whole of the communication; what is being said and what is not. What the nonverbals are telling you. The tone of voice. The expression on the face. The concerns and fears the other person is saying behind the words.

The amazing thing when you truly listen is that the other person knows it, feels heard, and doesn’t feel the need to keep repeating themselves, taking up more and more time as they try again and again to be heard. You will also notice when you listen in this manner, it takes an enormous amount of mental focus and energy to sustain. Listening is work!

One mental technique that can help is to imagine a clear dome over the two (or more) of you as you listen. Everything outside the dome is unimportant (no more checking your watch or looking at your phone.) Everything inside the dome is important. No more capsules keeping us apart. We are together in this communication. You make yourself 100% present in the moment. You let go of your own agendas and intentions to influence, control, or direct. You are simply and profoundly listening.

According to Doreen, leaders who learn to listen in this way are rare. But those who do inspire greater trust and enjoy greater mutual respect. In addition, they arouse not only accountability, but loyalty. You develop trust in a more profound outcome, rather than trying to control others or have your way.

My guess is true listeners spend much less time rehashing the same old, same old, therefore wasting less time in unproductive meetings and conversations. I encourage you to try it for yourself; start with one or two conversations today and truly be present to listen to the other person. I would love to know how this feels and whether in the end it is worthwhile.

Doreen Johnson can be reached at her website: www.riverdreamsintuition.com

Many years ago, while leading a workshop for effective presentations, I had a number of students who were actually there because they had been asked to conduct mandatory safety training. They talked about undesirable behaviors on the part of their learners: people falling asleep during the training sessions, arguing, or making inappropriate comments about the content. I asked what they would do in such cases, and their immediate response was to “kick them out of the class.” I thought this was a pretty radical reaction, so we talked about what else they could do to get through to their learners. I am not sure they bought into my suggestions to start with a more subtle intervention at that point, but I hope as they became more experienced in the classroom they tried some more subtle techniques.

Over time, as I heard and experienced similar audience behaviors, I developed and shared the Intervention Escalator, a reminder to start with subtle interventions, and move toward more extreme responses only as needed. The hope was that presenters could use subtle but active interventions to maintain harmony in meetings, presentations, or training sessions without relying on extreme or unilateral methods.

Take a look and let me know what you think of this approach. Where do you start on the scale? What is the most effective technique, in your experience? Have you had to eject participants from a classroom or meeting? Are there other steps you would suggest adding?

Intervention Escalator:

1. Ignore it. If you see or hear a behavior once, you may be able to ignore it. For example, a short side conversation, heavy eyes, or a comment you think is just a little “off” can probably be ignored for a while without fear of losing control of the classroom. Keep an eye out for continued behaviors around the room or from the same people but just take note.

2. Silence it. Instead of stopping your presentation or commenting directly to the offender, insert an extended pause into the conversation. Most times, when the room gets quiet, so do those who are indulging in side conversations. Wait until everyone is quiet, then continue without comment.

3. Eyeball them. Often you can head off a confrontation non-verbally by making extended eye contact with people who are distracting others. Your silent message is: “I have my eyes on you.” You still don’t have to be confrontational or put anyone on the spot. Just extend the eye contact beyond 5 seconds and they will get the point.

4. Stand by them. As you move around the room, standing close to those who are being disruptive can help quiet them down, again without a direct confrontation. If only one party to the side conversation is “into it” the other person may appreciate your non-verbal intervention.

5. Ask a question. As the behaviors continue unabated, you are moving toward direct action. But before you jump on someone, start with questions. Ask a question of the audience at large: for example, “I have shown you some of the facts about eye safety, now who can tell me which one you think is most compelling?” Questions sound different than questions, and this may be enough to grab the attention of those who are drifting. By the way, ask the question first, then call on someone. That way, everyone in the room must think, in case you call on them.

6. Ask for input. If lots of side discussions are breaking out, or if lots of eyes are fluttering, you are going to have to deal with it. Call it out: “I see some of you are drifting… Is it too warm in here? Do we need a break now? Did you have a question? Was there a comment you could share?” Note that it is really easy to sound sarcastic here, so try not to let that happen. You could try humor too, if it seems natural and appropriate. “Try this lecture tonight on your three year old to get her to sleep.” (And if you are lecturing, stop, and change the pace to discussion or action.)

7. Talk offline. If one or two people are causing the distraction, try connecting with them on a break. Let them know the impact of their behavior, on you and on others. Ask if there is anything you can do to keep them engaged. Let them know the consequences of continued behavior. At least this way you aren’t embarrassing them in front of others and you are giving them fair notice.

8. Divide and conquer. If certain people are developing distracting behaviors, it may help to get them apart. Break into “discussion groups” by counting off, thereby breaking up teams or whole tables who are too chatty. After lunch or a break, ask people to sit in a new spot so they can “meet new people.” In long meetings or training sessions, this is great practice anyway. Just note that people get attached to their territory and sometimes resist moving. If you use name tents, you can move them over lunch, or catch people at the door and ask them to move. If even a few people change seats it is often enough to change the dynamics.

9. Address them directly. You are getting toward the most direct approaches. If behaviors have continued to this point, you will have to address them directly. Be direct, calm, and factual. “Bill and Sam, I am going to ask for your cooperation. Let’s eliminate the side comments so we can finish our session on time.” (I love telling them this; everyone wants to finish on time.)

10. Eject them. In twenty years of leading training sessions, I have only had to ask someone to leave once or twice. But if you feel their presence is impacting or threatening the physical or psychological safety of the other participants, you will need to take action. Personally, I would ask them to step outside the room and then privately ask them to make a choice about leaving the class or changing their behavior. If you feel threatened, you will want to call security or ask for help. Hopefully, you never have to get this far on the Intervention Escalator.

It is a fine line to walk between being respectful to individuals while being a strong leader, but by starting at the bottom of the escalator, you may never have to get to the most direct actions. Don’t confuse subtlety with avoidance or evasion; take action early to maintain a healthy environment in your next meeting, training session or presentation.

Recently I attended a speech given by a brilliant but soft-spoken philosopher and author. Even though he had a gentle, thoughtful way of speaking, and a serious topic, he managed to connect well with the audience, and got some great chuckles with his stories and his subtle humor. It started me thinking again about how important the first few minutes of every presentation is, and what you can do to make a good connection with your audience early on.

Check your next presentation to see how many of these you are doing.

Tell a short human-interest story. This speaker made a reference to boy scouts, comparing how they were years ago, to how they are today. It illustrated a point he was making in a highly visual, personal and memorable way. And it took less than one minute.

Refer to the audience and their worlds. More important than telling them all about you, let them know you understand who they are, what their concerns are, and how you plan to address them. The old adage is true: they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Engage them in some way. Get them to do something besides just sitting. Ask a question, ask for a show of hands, ask them to greet their neighbors, ask them to write down their questions, ask them to gather in the four corners of the room according to…well, you get the idea. Unless you are mesmerizing, you really should get them engaged and involved, and do it sooner rather than later.

Start without slides. It sends a whole different energy into the room than starting with your slides on and ready to go. In fact, this speaker used no more than 10 slides in two hours, and he turned them on when needed and off when not needed. And another thing; they were all images, not bullets! Maybe you need to use slides. If so, then make them as clean and simple as possible, and start (and end) without them.

Find the humor. It could be in your story, in the audience, in a misfire or mistake, in a cartoon you show, or in something you heard or read recently. Look for humor that is comfortable and natural for you; don’t try to be a comedian. It doesn’t have to bring the house down; even a chuckle can bring us all together.

Yes, this speaker did all five of these in the first few minutes. He showed humility, depth, and passion about his topic. I bet you can too, and I would love to hear what you do in the first five minutes.

Yesterday I volunteered to make some phone calls on behalf of my professional organization, ASTD-TCC, in order to support their annual Regional Conference. It started me thinking about how much of my professional life has been spent on the telephone. When I needed a second job early in my career, I worked a phone bank for a political party. When I was a technical recruiter, virtually all my work was done over the telephone. My boss called it “dialing for dollars.” And when I started out my business nearly twenty years ago, I had a goal of making 20 cold calls every day. Whew!

Nowadays I rarely ever make a cold call, and in fact, I sometimes think I spend more time on e-mails than I do on the phone. Still, the phone is one of the most important business tools we have. Today we don’t use the phone just for conversations or to set up meetings; we use it to have the meetings.

Has the art of the telephone been lost? Or do we just take it for granted? Here is a checklist of best practices and a few no-nos to keep in mind next time you are doing business over the phone.

TELEPHONE DO’S

Slow down. The listener can’t see you or read your lips, and maybe can’t hear you all that well, especially if they—or you—are on a cell phone or in a noisy place. So slow down and enunciate just a little more than normal.

Take a breath. Sit up straight. And smile. These are tips given to customer service reps and phone salespeople, and for good reason. You sound better if you smile, and you will speak with more power when you breathe and sit or stand tall.

Greet your listener. “Good morning, good afternoon,” or “hello” set a friendly tone. Keep your opening brief but cordial to make a personal connection. (Don’t overdo it; most of us can see a sales pitch coming a mile away.)

Provide your name and contact information. Somehow we forget this or assume the other person knows who we are. Name, organization, and phone number, all spoken clearly and slowly really help. If you want a call-back, repeat this information again at the end. Slowly.

Give the purpose for the call. Be direct. “I am seeking sponsorships for the conference, I am looking for a speaker, I am asking for a recommendation, I need some information,” etc. are direct ways of letting people know why you are calling. Don’t make them guess. Don’t beat around the bush, and please, don’t just give your name and number with a request for a call back. You will have much better response if you give the reason for your call.

Listen to your outgoing phone calls and messages. Periodically record your calls with a voice recorder or your smart phone (there’s an app for that.) Listen for your tone, rate of speech, enunciation, the number of fillers you use, and generally how clearly you articulate your message.

Take a break. Phone calling is hard work; it calls for fast thinking and concentration. If you are getting tired, bored, or have just had a negative experience, walk away for a few minutes. On the other hand, instead of stopping after a great call, keep going. When you experience success, you get a whole new tone in your voice. That’s the time to place one more call. That is when I would typically place my “most important” calls; when I was feeling I couldn’t miss. It very often worked!

A COUPLE OF DON’TS

Don’t distract yourself. Stay focused on the message and clear delivery. If there is noise or distraction, shut your door or wait for a better moment to place the call. If you are thinking about what to have for lunch, stop and focus on the reason for the call.

Don’t slam the phone down to hang up. This is my personal pet peeve. Come on! If you are trying to gain cooperation, make a sale or build a professional relationship, don’t slam the phone down at the end of the call or your message. What a poor “last impression.” Disconnect the phone quietly, then replace it on the receiver.

We may use them a bit differently, but great telephone skills will never go out of style. Over time you will be in countless conversations, meetings and webinars. You might even find yourself “dialing for dollars.” Take time today to check your telephone skills and see if they measure up.

Some of us are really good at giving positive feedback. Others are really good at giving negative feedback. Not many seem skilled in providing both, what I call balanced feedback. Occasionally a client will tell me, “just tell it like it is. Be brutally honest.” Or, “you are just being nice.” This makes me wonder if my feedback is too polite, or too subtle, even though I try to give it honestly and in a balanced fashion. Why? Let’s take a look at what can happen when you give feedback, either too positive or too negative.

Too little positive feedback.

While working recently with a manager, I noticed that he tended to give mostly negative feedback, and very little positive. This manager stated that he had been taught that giving negative feedback would be more motivational. He also thought positive feedback seemed “too soft” and unnecessary. As he added: “Why should we praise people for just doing their jobs?”

When most or all feedback is negative, people know what you don’t like, but they often have to guess at what you do like or want from them. They may feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the criticism, and they may take it personally. They don’t ready minds, and so are often confused about what you really want. They may lose confidence, since everything they do seems wrong. In addition, if the only time they hear from you is when you have a complaint, they may soon begin to feel defensive, or try to avoid interactions with you.

That said, negative feedback has its place. To be effective it needs to be specific and non-judgmental. Compare these two comments on a written report:

1. “I can’t believe you turned in such shoddy work. Don’t you know any better?”

2. “One of your conclusions was faulty and you had 3 typos on the report.”

The first comment is shaming and demotivating. I feel bad, but I don’t know what I should do differently. The second comment seems deliberately unemotional, so it takes the shame out of it. It also gives me specific information about what I can do to improve.

Too much positive feedback. If you are a big believer in positive feedback, or if you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, you may be relying too much on positive feedback and fail to deliver the bad news. We have all heard about employees who received glowing performance reviews right up to the day they were let go for “performance issues.” Obviously, there were problems that should have been addressed. If all you give is positive feedback, people can have an unrealistically high view of their worth and performance levels. Because they receive unbalanced feedback, they can have confidence above and beyond their actual performance levels.

Positive reinforcement certainly has its place, and to be effective it also needs to be specific and clear. Consider these two examples:

1. “Good job. Keep it up.”

2. “Your report was clear, your conclusions were on target, and the writing was crisp and accurate.”

The first comment may make me feel good, but I am not really sure what was right about my work. It might make me feel bad because you didn’t even take time to notice what I did. In other words, the easy compliment seems canned and can come across as insincere. The second comment is all positive, but it tells me what you valued, and clearly shows you read my report.

Balanced feedback. Balanced feedback provides feedback on what is being done well as well as what could be improved. The positive feedback builds confidence and reinforces the “good” behavior you want to see more of. It clarifies expectations. It feels good. The negative feedback is given factually and preferably with suggestions for improvement.

Consider this example of balanced feedback:

1. “Your report was clear, your conclusions were on target, and the writing was crisp and accurate. There were several typos, and for that I suggest more careful proofing. And one of your conclusions wasn’t clear to me. Let’s talk it over this afternoon and compare notes. Overall, great job!”

If you lead, coach or develop people, I suggest aiming for balanced feedback that builds confidence, shows the direction you want the performance to take, and highlights areas for improvement in a clear, non-punishing way. At the same time, note that people react differently. Some crave the honest feedback, and some crave the “feel good” aspects of positive feedback. Some remember and take to heart any criticism, and some live for it. So adjust accordingly, but always strive to be honest, sincere and matter-of-fact.

By being honest and straightforward, and by offering balanced feedback, the people you influence can build skills and confidence at the same time.

People these days seem to be impatient, stressed and constantly rushed. I am that way myself too much of the time. But if we let it get in the way of listening, there is a price to pay. That price includes losses in efficiency, effectiveness, and even in relationships. We make mistakes, we forget what was said, we miss nuances in the conversation. Not good.

We owe it to ourselves and all those we care about at home and at work, to slow down, pay attention, and do the hard but rewarding work of listening.

This week, check your listening habits.

1. Put aside all else. In order to really listen, you must put aside other work, turn away from the computer screen, and focus on the speaker. It is too easy to keep looking at your work, especially when the person is on the phone. But it is pretty obvious when someone is not listening. Listening is a skill that requires your full attention. Try it and see what a difference focus makes.

2. Focus on the entire message. Pay attention to what is being said, not on your response to it. Tune in to body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, absorbing the whole message. Watch for conflicting body language, such as a frown, folded arms over chest, or a subtle shaking of the head while saying “yes.” Non-verbals can account for as much as 55% of the message, so pay close attention to the entire message, not just the words.

3. Show that you are listening. Avoid looking around or fidgeting. Make steady eye contact, nod, and use neutral acknowledgements such as “uh-huh” or “go on.” Separate listening from responding: don’t jump in too soon with your own opinion, your story, or your advice. Listen first.

4. Adjust to the style of the other person. If they are interested in the emotional context, don’t keep asking about facts. If they are very fact-oriented, shift your listening to the rational. If they want details, focus more on details. If they want to talk big picture, let them know you see it, then ask about feelings or for further facts.

5. Check back. Ask if you are hearing them correctly. Don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions based on partial hearing. Even if you are under pressure or tight on time, maybe especially then, slow down, breathe, and focus on hearing and paraphrasing what you are hearing. If you just can’t focus at that moment, say so, and ask to connect at another time.

6. Eliminate sound clutter. If your phone is getting a bad signal, don’t tough it out. If you are in a noisy place, or rushing to catch a plane, and you can’t hear what is being said, there is no way you can do a great job of listening. Ask to reschedule, or get yourself to a quieter place where you can both hear and concentrate.

Great leaders and great communicators have a striking ability to listen well. It takes work and effort, and energy you sometimes feel short on, but it is so worth it. It pays dividends in better productivity and helps build better relationships. What could be more worthwhile?