Author: Gail Zack Anderson

You have to terminate a project. You have to tell a job candidate she didn’t get the job. You have to tell your boss—or a client—you are unable to take on a new initiative. Whew! These may not be crucial conversations, but if they leave you feeling uncomfortable or if they place stress on key relationships, it is important that you learn how to handle them well. At the same time, it will cut down on the stress these discussions can create.

Here is a strategy and a format you can follow when you are faced with an unpleasant discussion:

Take care of it promptly. It is easy to put difficult tasks or conversations on the bottom of your to-do list. But the longer it sits there, the more of your mental or emotional energy it can drain. At the same time, people are waiting for your answer, or the same behavior continues that you want to change, so things are either on hold or getting worse. The sooner you tackle this conversation and put it to rest, the sooner you can move on to more productive endeavors.

But not too soon. If you are in the heat of the moment, feeling emotional or angry, it might be best to wait until you cool off. Be sure you have all the facts. Be sure you have considered all options. Take a little time to think it through and plan your approach. If it is a really sticky situation, you could talk it over with a trusted colleague, jot down a few talking points, or rehearse what you plan to say.

Choose the right medium, time, and place. We have all heard of texted break-ups or pink slips on Friday afternoons. When the message and the medium are mismatched, we can add insult to injury. Hurt or angry feelings get ignored, people can feel disrespected and the whole conversations spirals out of control. If the situation is a business one, email might be fine. But ask yourself if a phone conversation wouldn’t be better. And if it involves strong feelings or an important relationship, try to arrange a face to face meeting. Pick a time when all parties will be fresh and relatively less stressed. Choose a neutral spot if possible, and definitely a place where privacy is possible.

Start with a positive intent. Take a moment to connect with the person you are giving bad news or a concern to. You can thank them for taking time to talk with you. You can express appreciation or liking for the person or the relationship you have shared. You can let them know you will continue to value them (if that is true.) Keep this part brief, but make sure you start with some kind of positive intent if you do value the relationship.

Give fair warning. A neutral phrase that bad news is coming can be helpful, as a transition and a warning. Something like, “I’m afraid I have some bad news…” or “I’ve hesitated to bring this up, but now I really need to let you know how I feel” can at least give the person some indication that the conversation is taking a turn toward the serious. It’s the equivalent of “Are you sitting down?”

State the facts plainly and neutrally. Generally I would advise stating the bottom line first, then giving 2 or 3 reasons or facts about it. You could reverse the order and start with the facts that lead to the bottom line, but I think people are just waiting for that bottom line so why not start with it? “We won’t be able to publish your book, and these are the reasons….” Give one, two or three reasons, but no more. Your listener won’t be ready for a long list of reasons, and after three they start to feel like excuses anyway.

Restate the decision firmly but politely. Restate the bottom line to be sure it is clear, “So let’s be clear that this project will be terminated, effective today.” People tend to remember what they hear last, so be sure your last words are clear and definite. Some of us have a hard time saying no, but you will feel better for having been straightforward, and ultimately it’s so much better than waffling.

Reinforce your positive intentions. If possible, end the discussion on a positive note. If there is hope for a different outcome in the future, say so but be aware the person will remember you said it “might” be possible, so don’t promise something unrealistic. Instead, thank the person for their understanding and end with a hope for a continued relationship. Something like, “While I understand you are disappointed, I appreciate your dedication to this project and hope we will have other opportunites to work together in the future.”

If you care about people and key relationships, it will be worth your effort to learn how to ace these unpleasant discussions, making yourself clear, but offering the news in a neutral, professional way. Best of all, you will become known as a strong communicator who does not shy away from tough discussions.

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Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

Mary got nervous every time her manager started a conversation with her. She was worried she would forget some critical piece of information. That anxiety interfered with her ability to focus and remember what was said. As a result, she tried to write down everything that was said during every conversation. Since we speak much faster than we can write, she fell behind and her attention was divided. Her anxiety increased, and her listening became even more ineffective. It became a real issue between them, until she learned how to be a more effective listener. You can learn what Mary did, and improve your listening skills today.

Before the conversation. Take a moment to think about the purpose of your listening. Are you listening for facts, feelings, or both? If you are listening to directions for your sales meeting, you really need to attend to the facts of the matter and get them right. If you are listening to a friend talk about her weekend you may be attending mainly to the emotional aspects of her talk. Sometimes you need to attend to both, for example, when speaking with a job candidate you will want to attend to both the interpersonal connection and the details being shared.

During the conversation. Pay attention—without judging—to the delivery of the speaker. Consciously notice the expressions on his face, the tone of her voice, the set of his shoulders. If all of these seem to match what he or she is saying, there is a good chance the message is straightforward. If you see signs of a mismatch (she says she is not angry but her voice sounds angry) be a little more cautious; these are mixed signals and you would be wise to keep the conversation going until the real issues surface.

Throughout the conversation. Keep your eye contact and mental attention directed at the speaker. We probably wouldn’t check our watch when someone is speaking, but we can easily be distracted by a ping from our phone, someone walking by, or that TV screen overhead at the restaurant. If you truly intend to be a good listener, keep your attention focused, or admit that it is not. “I’m sorry, but I was distracted just a moment ago. Where we’re we?” It isn’t pretty, but it is a whole lot more honest than nodding while trying to sneak a peek at your messages.

After the conversation. If this communication was important, take a few moments right afterward to jot down your observations and impressions. Make note of facts, feelings and agreements or follow-up actions. Try to take these notes as soon after the meeting as you can, before other imperatives and distractions cloud your memory. But don’t try to write too many notes during the conversation, as this can hinder your ability to focus and listen.

Listening is one of the most important yet least understood communication skills. Test your own listening skills here, and try these four tips for more effective listening.

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Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

John was a great manager, good at his job and easy to get along with. But every now and then, he had days when his patience was thin, and he seemed distracted. His team knew when he was having a bad day, even before interacting with him. How did they know? Chances are, they noticed his non-verbals.

Can you tell whether someone is having a good or a bad day – before they have even said a word? If yes, chances are you are tuned into their non-verbals. And just as you notice these signals in others, others can tell a lot about you by reading your non-verbals.

As a successful communicator, you will want to pay close attention to the non-verbal messages you are sending to be sure the right message is getting across.

For example:

• If your non-verbal behavior matches, emphasizes or even replaces your words or feelings (i.e. you smile and nod your head while stating agreement) it is likely to enhance your communication.

• If your non-verbal behavior is in disagreement with your words (you say “yes” while crossing your arms across your chest and frowning) it is likely to confuse your listeners.

• If your non-verbal behavior has no meaning (you wring your hands or twist your ring as you speak) it is most likely a mannerism, which could be distracting or confusing, and should be eliminated.

When we are confident and sure of what we are saying, we tend to display a strong match between what we say and how we say it. Our body language is more open. Our gestures are more emphatic and descriptive. Our faces are relaxed and expressive. When we are less sure of ourselves, there is more likely to be a mismatch between our words and our non-verbals. So we want to be aware especially of habits such as a frown or hand-wringing that can send a mixed or wrong signal.

How can you be sure your non-verbals are helping you to communicate? Try video recording a presentation or rehearsal, and see for yourself what your audience sees when you speak.

After all, as a successful communicator, you know that it is not only what you say but how you say it.

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Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

Whether you are presenting or training, long lectures can be a drag. To engage your audience, to add life to your presentations, and to increase recall, consider these ways to get information across without lecturing.

1. Demonstration. Show, don’t tell, or show and tell. Bring in the item you are discussing and pass it around. Have audience members get involved in the demonstration.
2. Hands on practice. Don’t call it a role play, but that’s what it is. Get people to try out new behaviors on the spot. Make it fun and light, and never put someone on the spot or embarrass them.
3. Fill in the blanks handouts. This can help learners engage with the content in another way besides listening.
4. Quiz, test or problem to be solved. Make it challenging but not frustrating. Put a little competition into it. Award fun prizes.
5. Silent brainstorming or silent voting. Use a show of hands, ideas written on sticky notes, or votes written on a postcard.
6. Guest speaker or panel discussion. These can be live or on video, but it can be helpful to hear someone else speaking. A video can play a similar role, but be sure it is relevant and up-to-date.
7. Contest or scavenger hunt. Healthy competition can create fun and engagement. Great for information-heavy content, new employee orientation, team building.
8. Gallery crawl. You post several flipcharts and audience moves from flip chart to flip chart, capturing their ideas. Gets them out of their chairs. A good way to gather and record a lot of information quickly. You can even play music while they work. At the end, snap pictures of the flipcharts to record the ideas.
9. Breakout session. Periodically have pairs or small groups discuss what they have heard, how it will impact them, or have them answer a question. Mix up the groups frequently. You can even have them “walk and talk,” especially late in a long day.

Be creative! How many ways can you discover to get information across without long lectures?

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Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

Tired of the same old-same old training session or presentation? If you are, you can bet your audience will be too. So start thinking creatively about ways to change it up, break it up and shake it up…for your benefit and that of your audience. Here are a few ideas just to get you started.
1. Change your visuals. If you have boring, detailed slides, get rid of some of the text and add appealing photos, especially if you can take pictures of your team, your product or your facility and use them.
2. Ditch your slides. Try presenting with no slides at all, or just a title slide and maybe one other. Use a flip chart, use handouts, or just have a discussion with your audience.
3. Turn the lecture into a discussion. Ask them real questions. What do they think? How would they react if….? Have them solve a problem or do a case study. Have them create a plan.
4. Get them on their feet. Have them come up to the front of the room for an impromptu skit relating to the material. Ask them to cover part of the meeting or the training. Have them take turns writing on the flip chart so you can keep your focus on the group.
5. Start with sharing. As soon as you begin, ask them to write down, speak up, or record the questions they have about the topic. Often by the time you have answered all their questions you have covered the material you had planned.
6. Don’t give handouts. Keep the focus on the discussion, not notetaking. If they ask for them, you can always send them by email and save a tree while you are at it. Or have them available at the end of your session.
7. Take a field trip. Don’t just sit there: get out of the meeting room and take a tour of the plant, have a field trip or a scavenger hunt. Take a nature hike, or go check out the competition. The change in scenery can be far more stimulating than looking at four walls.

What else can you do to keep it fresh? The sky is the limit, if you make smart choices, do it with confidence, and use your creative thinking to shake up your next training session or presentation.

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Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

It happens. You are asked to fill in for your boss’s big presentation. You are new to a project and have been asked for an update. You are in a meeting when you are called on to speak or share your opinion. These are all situations where you might experience a sudden drop in your confidence. Yet, they are critical opportunities for you to shine. What to do? How to keep cool and stay grounded? How to look and sound confident even when you aren’t?

Here are some ideas you might try in these cases:

Keep breathing. Instead of taking a quick breath and holding it, exhale and release tension from your body. Take in another quiet breath. Repeat. Two or three cleansing breaths, or as many as you need, should keep the discomfort from overwhelming you. You could even say to yourself, “this is fine. I have a plan. I know what I am talking about.”

Stay focused. Stay in the moment. Don’t think about yourself or looking stupid. Think about what is being asked, and why. Think about what you know or what you can contribute.

Speak with a full voice and firm inflections. Even if you are a little unsure of your answer, speak it with assurance. If you answer with a timid, weak voice, you are going to undermine any answer you provide. Make sure your statements don’t sound like questions. Even if you are forced to say you are not sure, say that with assurance!

Mind your body language. Watch that you keep your arms and hands relaxed and open. The natural tendency is to close your arms, hunch your shoulders, or cover your chest with your arms. Just stay open and you will look more confident.

Concentrate your efforts on what you do know or think. Don’t start to worry about what you don’t know or say what you don’t know. Say what you do think. Even if you must state it as an opinion, you do have something to contribute.

Turn the presentation into a discussion. Everyone in the audience may have a piece of information, an idea or a question about the topic. Instead of droning on (or reading your boss’s slides) start a discussion. You might begin by asking everyone what questions they have, and then answering them as you go through the presentation. Or turn the whole thing into a Q&A session and focus on getting the answers to the audience.

Ask a question to move the conversation forward. If someone is asking for your thoughts, you might answer briefly, and then ask what they think. They probably have some ideas of their own, and that might unleash a great conversation.

Provide a qualified or partial answer. If the situation calls for an opinion and you aren’t quite ready to commit, you might say this is a “first reaction” or “preliminary opinion,” and then state your thoughts. You could also say you are still “fact finding” and would appreciate any facts the listeners could share.

Clearly these strategies won’t work in every situation, but on those occasions where you need to speak without having all the facts, one of these could buy you time or save the day. Whenever you can, take the proper amount of time to prepare yourself thoroughly with study and rehearsal.

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I would love to hear from you. How do you speak with confidence in challenging situations?

Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

Quick—who is the most effective communicator you know? Why did you think of that person? I am guessing that this person provides a consistently positive experience when they communicate with you. Let’s think about the experience you provide when someone comes into contact with you. It doesn’t matter if they work in the next cubicle, if they know you socially, or if you are meeting someone for the first time. With a few simple guidelines, you can make each contact a positive experience.

Pick the right time. When do you initiate the communication? If you are waiting on people, sooner is better. Acknowledge or greet people who show up in your place of business, even if you can’t help them immediately. Otherwise, find times that are amenable to others; be it your boss, a potential client, a family member. Ask if this is a good time before launching into a discussion they might not be ready for.

Pick the right venue. Recently I traded four or five text messages with someone before deciding we could get more done on the phone. Today I received a much-appreciated phone call rather than an email with a request. Other times e-mail is actually the best way to convey information. Instead of automatically choosing the format that you prefer or feel most comfortable with, start thinking about which one is most appropriate or most appreciated by the receiver.

Be courteous. Please and thank you never go out of style. Say “you’re welcome” rather than “no problem.” Look people in the eye. Take time to greet everyone you come in contact with. Be kind to your server (and leave a generous tip if you can afford it.) Don’t slam down the phone after leaving a message or having a conversation.

Give your full attention. Whether you are discussing world events, a major initiative for your team, or plans for the weekend, respect people enough to be attentive to them. This means no checking your email while talking on the phone, no folding laundry or making dinner while the kids tell you about their day, or no talking while driving. I know, I know, we all do it. Let’s do better.

Be positive. It is easy to gripe about the weather, the boss, or what is on the news. Can you spin it around and look for the positive? Plenty of studies are now suggesting that gratitude is linked with higher levels of happiness, and we know we like to be around happier people. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. Find something nice to say. Be the bright spot in a gloomy day. You can’t control the weather or what’s on the news, but you have a choice in how you show up.

It is not rocket science. It just takes awareness and making better choices. Follow these five guidelines and you may well be one of the best communicators your friends and colleagues know.

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I would love to hear from you. How do you show up as a positive communicator?

Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

A few years ago I worked with an individual who came to me because she seemed to have trouble listening to her boss. As we spoke, it turned out she was anxious about remembering everything he said, and so she would furiously write copious notes as he spoke. But the anxiety and the distraction of writing did the opposite of what she intended; she actually heard and remembered less, not more. And the more that happened, the more stressed-out she felt and the less she heard. It was a vicious cycle.

We all know how important listening is. Right? But in today’s crazy-busy world of work—and home—we sometimes let stress and bad habits trip us up. Think about your own work relationships. If you are experiencing increased misunderstandings or interpersonal issues, it may be due to poor listening habits.

How will you know? One good start would be to use this checklist to see if you might have allowed a few of these poor listening habits to take root.

When listening, have you ever found yourself:

 Easily distracted?
 Daydreaming or multitasking?
 Thinking ahead of your response instead of paying attention?
 Assuming you understand when you may not?
 Mentally criticizing the speaker?
 Allowing emotions to interfere?
 Interrupting or talking over?
 Hearing only what you want to hear?
 Waiting for your turn to speak?

Which of these habits do you have and how can you change them? Take time today—right now—to commit to better listening skills.

How to build better listening habits:

Avoid distractions. Turn away from the computer and look at the person you are speaking to. On the phone, turn away from your work and focus on the person you are speaking to.

Monitor your own behavior. Make calm, steady eye contact with the speaker. Make sure you avoid checking your watch, tapping your pen, or anything else that might signal impatience.

Listen to the tone and nonverbals as well as the words. What is being said? Why is it important? Think about the entire message and the feelings that surround it.

If you find your attention drifting, gently pull it back to the speaker. You may have to do this multiple times. If you find you cannot concentrate, consider postponing the conversation until you are able to do it justice.

As leaders, it is easy to get distracted and busy. But in order to be effective in our work and our work relationships, we must remember to listen fully and effectively to what is being said. In the long run, it will save us time and trouble.

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I would love to hear from you. How do you remember to listen effectively even when under pressure?

Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

Once you have a group talking, and conversations become lively, conflict and lack of control can eat up valuable group time. Here are five guidelines you can use to maintain control without becoming heavy-handed.

1. Set group rules early on. Let the group know everyone should have a turn to speak, and that no one will be allowed to dominate the conversation.

2. Manage side conversations. Make steady eye contact with those who tend to chat, stand closer to them, or use silence until the room becomes quiet. These “silent” techniques are often all you need.

3. Break a large group down into smaller ones for discussion. Give complete directions first, and then disperse into breakout groups. To signal small groups to return to the large group, dim the lights or sound a timer.

4. Manage conflict. Keep your own cool and allow conflict as long as it is leading to thoughtful discussions. Remind people of ground rules that state no personal attacks.

5. Use courteous language. Words such as “please” and “thank you” foster a climate of respect and cooperation.

Whether you are a trainer, presenter or leader, knowing how to lead and control a discussion is an important skill you can learn and practice, so that your listeners can learn effectively from one another.

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I would love to hear from you. How do you maintain control over discussions?

Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc

So much has been written about how to craft a speech or presentation, and much of it is conflicting. Do you need a separate opening, in addition to your key message? Do you start with your key message, or end with it? It is a seven-part process, or a three part process? Do you need to write everything down, or can you create an outline? What about a sketch or a mind map? No wonder so many people get frustrated and basically give up on creating compelling content. It is so much easier to create a handful (or more) of slides and then follow them.

All that may be true, but if you simply follow your slides, there is a very good chance you will read from them. There is also a good chance you will fail to ace two of the key parts of your talk—the opening and the closing. These are the areas of the presentation that engage and persuade the audience. And the parts that drive home your most essential message. If you skip them and jump right into the content—which so many speakers do—you may very well lose the chance to connect your audience with the content and convince them of your message.

So let’s take a look at the separate parts of the presentation, and be sure we understand exactly why they are needed, and how we might put them together for a terrific presentation or speech. Please note that even the most informal talks do better when you follow this format. With a little planning and practice it will become your “go to” structure.

Opening and key message

Why?

• A strong start with a key message provide context, a reason for listening.
• A strong start builds your confidence, even as it captures and directs your audience’s attention.
• A strong start connects you with your audience, and them to your message.

How?

• Start with a one-sentence overview. This is your key message. It should be short enough to say in one breath. It should be the one thing you want your audience to take away. If you could only say one sentence, this would be it.
• Write it down. Say it out loud. If it is just “in your head” it could be very vague or “slippery.” If you can write it down or say it out loud, then you know it is a message, not just a thought.

Content or Body of Presentation

Why?

• The message needs the evidence or proof that only the body of the presentation can provide. As a standalone, it may be intriguing, but it probably lacks substance.
• The body must be organized and clear. This is where you lay out your case, and you want to follow a logical structure.
• The body should strike a balance between being too detailed and too broad. Be sure you think through your time frame, your audience, and the nature of this content. How detailed does it need to be? How simple can it be? If it is too detailed, the audience may fade. If it is too broad, they will get bored and possibly insulted.
• The body should strike a balance between facts and feelings. Depending again on content and the makeup of the audience members, you will want to include not just facts, but some kind of emotional appeal. If you tend to lean on emotional appeal, be sure to balance that with solid facts and figures.

How?

• Include pertinent, updated facts and findings. I recently found a great statistic I wanted to use, until I discovered the research was over ten years old. No good. Also consider the sources of the statistics you use; will they be credible with your audience?
• Include humor, stories, examples, case studies, and discussion questions. Get your audience talking with each other to whatever degree seems appropriate. Get them to do something with you or each other, even if it is as simple as answering your “quiz” questions or raising a hand.
• Humor is great but don’t feel you must tell a joke. Instead, use a personal anecdote or reaction. Blend it into your content; don’t make a big issue of it.

Closing/repeat of key message/call to action

Why?

• A great closing builds your confidence and lets you end with power and punch, not a whimper.
• A great closing drives the main message home. We need to hear things more than once, especially the things that it is important to remember.
• A great closing creates a satisfying sense of closure. Imagine going to a concert or a play and wondering “is it over?” Great experiences come with a resounding close.
• A great closing includes a reminder of where you started, which improves recall of your key message, and a call to action can take advantage of an emotional high at the end.

How?

• Repeat or rephrase your key message one last time. Make it be the first and the last thing your audience hears.
• If you have a call to action, state it here and say it strong. “Call today. Get started now. Remember to sign up.” These are clear calls to action.
• Plan and rehearse your closing. Don’t leave it to chance. At the end of your presentation you will feel a strong sense of relief. Don’t just end abruptly, but leave enough time to wrap up properly.

So even if time is short, the presentation is informal, or you just don’t know how to get started, make sure these three elements of your talk are well planned and that you deliver them with aplomb. Without these essentials, it might be just a bunch of words. With them, you have a compelling talk.

 

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I would love to hear from you. How do you structure your presentations for best results?

Author Gail Zack Anderson, founder of Applause, Inc. is a Twin Cities-based consultant who provides coaching and workshops for effective presentations, facilitation skills for trainers and subject matter experts, and positive communication skills for everyone. She can be reached at gza@applauseinc.net.

Web site: www.applauseinc.net

Blog: www.managementhelp.org/blogs

twitter: @ApplauseInc