Author: Pam Solberg-Tapper

Many of my clients have trouble saying “no”. They feel obligated to please others and saying “no” to the boss does not seem acceptable. The truth is that by saying “no” you are letting others know that you value your time, priorities and boundaries.

Here are a few tips to help you say “no”:

1. Be clear on your priorities. Know what is important to you and what you will spend your time on. When you are clear, it is easier to say “no” to the requests that are not in alignment with your priorities. Ask yourself – “How does this request fit with what is important to me and my goals?”

2. When you say “yes”, realize you are also saying “no”. Because time is finite, you cannot add more to your life without cutting something out. Ask yourself – “Where will the time come from to do this?”

3. Buy yourself some time. When someone makes a request, avoid saying “yes” right away. Let them know you will think it over and get back to them. That way you can evaluate your situation and make the best decision.

4. Give the requester alternatives. If it is in your best interest to say “no”, give the requester options of others who may be able to fulfill the request.

5. Try “yes” not now. Let the requester know that you are interested, yet this is not the best time for you. Give them a date to get back to when you will be able to meet their needs.

6. Talk with your boss. If too many things are being added to your responsibilities, ask which item is the priority and which item(s) would he/she recommend to defer.

7. Just say “no”. With a firm, and unapologetic tone, just say, you are not able to commit to the request. Try a simple, “No, I just can’t right now.”

How do you say “no”?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

Does your mind ever go around in circles or do you loose sleep trying to come up with a solution for a problem? As a coach, I find that my clients benefit by following this four question problem solving method.

1. What is the problem?

2. What are the solutions for resolution of the problem? (Include advantages and disadvantages of each solution)

3. What is the best solution with supporting rationale?

4. Once a decision is reached on the best solution, when will you act on it?

Try it out and let me know what you think!

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

Many of my coaching clients come to me because they are overwhelmed. They have too much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all. They tell me they are busy all day and fail to complete important tasks.

One tip that successful people use is the concept of block time – scheduling chunks of time to work on a specific task or project. This approach is simple and effective.

Here are 3 tips to block time:

1. Schedule the time – if it is not on your calendar it won’t happen. Calculate how much time is needed to complete the task and schedule it. If you can’t do it all in one time period, use several shorter time blocks. When scheduling, be specific what you will do during each time block.

2. No interruptions – it has been said that the typical manager gets interrupted every 9 minutes. As a result, it takes them 3.5 times longer to complete the task. If possible work offsite or close your door as well as turn off the phone and email.

3. Maximize your ”sharp time”– identify your periods of highest mental and physical energy and structure your block time during those periods.

“Time is the scarcest resource, and unless it is managed, nothing else can be managed.” Peter Drucker

What additional block time tips do you have?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

People who are successful stretch themselves. They take risks and are bold. They expand their Comfort Zones and Think Big. They know how to manage their inner critic and self imposed limits to get what they want in life.

Here are 4 Coaching Tips to Expand Your Comfort Zone.

1. Don’t settle for mediocrity. Say goodbye to “same old- same old” and try new things daily.

2. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Ditch those self imposed limits. Most often, the only one holding you back is you.

3. Think of failure as a learning experience. What didn’t work this time? How can you make lemonade out of this lemon?

4. Future Pull – what about your vision/goals? Think Big. What would it be like if you didn’t at least try?

Thomas Edison said: “If we all did the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves”.

What other tips do you have to expand your Comfort Zone?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

“We never understand a thing so well,and make it our own,
as when we have discovered it for ourselves.”
~ Rene Descartes

• Coaching works because the coach guides the client to come up with their own solutions versus telling them what to do.
• The coach helps the client learn more about themselves.
• Through the coaching interaction, the coach guides the client to focus and take action.
• As the “success partner” the coach provides accountability.

Why does coaching work for you?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

Years ago, I met Thomas J Leonard, the Founder of Coach University.

He introduced the concept of “Tolerations” – those things that annoy you, drain your energy, and hold you back yet can be eliminated from your life.

Tolerations show up in most areas – work, home, school, relationships, equipment, cars and your habits.

Here are some Common Tolerations:

• Office – Piles of papers on your desk, sticky notes all over, computer repairs
• Home – loose door knob, leaky faucet, slow drain, squeaky door, needing paint
• People – those who drain our energy, relationships that aren’t working
• Your habits – not dealing with overwhelm, not exercising, not eating healthy
• Work – not knowing what is expected, not knowing how to deal with change, poor communication

Dealing with Tolerations:

Tolerations are all about energy. Eliminating tolerations will give you more energy for what is important to you. You’ll be happier, more confident and won’t waste time stepping around things.

A great way to deal with tolerations is to write a list. Look around and record what things are draining you. Once you have your list, rank the items – which ones can you change or eliminate right away? This will give you momentum to tackle the ones that are more complex. Intentionally decide which ones you will put on hold. It is OK to “procrastinate with a purpose” but give yourself a timeline.

What tolerations will you eliminate?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

1. Be clear on your objective:

Most coaches have an area of expertise such as: career, entrepreneurs, life, executives, financial, or branding. Match your goal with the coach’s expertise. Ask the coach about their limitations –do they coach clients with your needs?

2. What are the coach’s qualifications?

Is the coach certified and by what training organization?

3. Background and Experience:

Find out what life/work experience the coach has had. Have they been in situations similar to yours? How many clients have they coached, in what industries and with what results?

4. Cost/Contract:

The fees for coaching vary widely. Be sure to ask about the terms – do you prepay? Is the fee schedule set up by the session, month or program? What is the length of each session? How often will you meet? What if you prepay and decide to discontinue? If the coach uses assessments will there be extra charges? What about travel costs if the coach does not live near you?

5. Test Drive:

Most coaches will offer an initial complimentary session. It is wise to interview at least 3 coaches to help with your selection. Be sure to assess whether their personality aligns with yours.

6. Interview the Coach’s Clients:

Even though coaching is confidential, most coaches have clients that will talk to prospects and share their experience. What were their successes? What did they like and what could have been better? What advice do they have for you?

7. Success Rates:

Find out your expected return on investment. How does the coach measure success? What are some of the coach’s success stories?

8. Finding a Coach:

Word of mouth, online referral services, coaching schools, local chapters of coaching associations and HR departments are ways to find reputable coaches.

9. Face to Face or Virtual:

Decide weather you prefer to coach in person or virtually. Many coaches will do both and offer a combination. Virtual coaching usually consists of phone, email or technology such as Skype.

10. What does the coach do to stay on top of their profession?

How do they stay apprised of industry changes, specialty skills and professional development? How do they apply this to their coaching?

What other tips can you add?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

Acknowledgement is a coaching skill used to give recognition to the client. It points out the inner traits or characteristics that the client demonstrated in order to accomplish an action. Acknowledgement is important because it can articulate attributes of the client that they may not be aware of. When you acknowledge you empower the client.

Here are some tips to make your acknowledgment powerful:

1. Take your opinion out: Don’t endorse – keep the focus on the client, not on you: Example – “You took big risk.” versus “I support that you took a big risk.”

2. Be specific: Example – “You were determined and persevered in meeting the deadline.” versus “Good job meeting the deadline.”

3. Be judicious: Acknowledgement is special – too much and it loses its powerful impact

4. Look for attributes where the client shines in the situation and point them out, such as:

• Determination
• Perseverance
• Courage
• Focus
• Creative
• Positive
• Organized
• Confident
• Flexible
• Gracious
• Vibrant
• Motivating
• Insightful
• Bold
• Resolve
• Responsible

5. Be genuine: Clients will know when the acknowledgement is honest and truthful.

Who deserves your acknowledgement today?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.

Everything in coaching hinges on listening – it is the key to the coaching session. Listening is also essential for personal and professional success. Even though we know listening is important – active listening is not always a common practice. Active listening shows respect and that you desire to learn and understand the speaker. Here are some active listening skills:

Summarize or paraphrase – occasionally, repeat back what you heard the speaker say such as, “So I heard what you are saying is…” or “It sounds like…” This will increase your ability to concentrate on what is being said and assure you understand the message.

Use the pause button – let the speaker finish what they are saying. Avoid talking over them or jumping in to finish their sentence. Listen – pause – then express your own points.

Observe for non verbal cues – gestures, body language, emotions, eye movements, tone of voice and inflection offer more than just the words. If on the phone, listen for energy shifts, pace and what is not being said.

Ask questions to get a better understanding – “can you say more about that?” or “help me understand what you mean”.

Focus on the speaker – minimize external distractions and multitasking to capture the full essence of what is being said. For internal distractions, practice re-focusing your attention on the speaker when your mind wanders.

What additional active listening skills work well for you?

For more resources, see the Library topic Personal and Professional Coaching.