Category: Business Resources

Posted on

Understand Generational Differences: Guidelines and Resources

Close-up of man pointing to a chart

Understand Generational Differences: Guidelines and Resources

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

Sections in This Topic Include

Also consider
Related Library Topics

What Are Generational Differences?

What is a Generation?

Before we go on to discuss any perceived differences between generations, as well as those who believe that the differences are a myth, let’s understand what the term “generation” means.

The Center for Generational Kinetics defines a generation as:

“… a group of people born around the same time and raised around the same place. People in this birth cohort exhibit similar characteristics, preferences, and values over their lifetimes.”

Wikipedia defines a generation as:

“all of the people born and living at the same time, regarded collectively” and “the average period generally considered to be about thirty years, during which children are born and grow up, and begin to have children of their own.”

What Do We Mean by Generational Differences”?

There appear to be differences in the values, beliefs and opinions between different generations of people. While some believe strongly in the differences, others believe they are a myth. Those believing in the differences assert that they are important to recognize and accommodate, especially in settings having multiple generations, such as in today’s workforce.

What do we mean by generational differences? Wikipedia gives a useful definition that can contribute to our understanding. The definition is of a generation gap, a phrase often used when referring to generational differences:

A generation gap or generational gap is a difference of opinions between one generation and another regarding beliefs, politics, or values.

Overview of Perceived Differences Between Generations

What Are the Different Generations?

There are different perspectives on their names and the range of dates for their births, including between different countries. The Center itemizes the following categories in its Generational Breakdown: Info About All of the Generations:

  1. Traditionalists or Silent Generation – 1945 and before
  2. Baby Boomers – 1946-1964
  3. Generation X – 1965-1976
  4. Millennials or Gen Y – 1977-1995
  5. Generation Z or iGen or Centennials – 1996-now

(At least one source refers to Gen Y and Gen Z as the Millennials.)

What Are the Perceived Differences?

The Generational Differences Chart gives a concise comparison of the first four categories of generations. For the sake of discussing generational differences in leadership, management and the workforce, we’ll focus especially on the Chart’s aspect of “Preferred Work Environment”.

  1. Traditionalists value workplaces that are conservative, hierarchical and have a clear chain of command and top-down management.
  2. Baby Boomers value workplaces that have flat hierarchies, democratic cultures, humane values, equal opportunities, and warm and friendly environments.
  3. Generation X values workplaces that are positive, fun, efficient, fast-paced, flexible, informal and have access to leadership and information.
  4. Millennials value workplaces that are collaborative, achievement-oriented, highly creative, positive, diverse, fun, flexible and continuously providing feedback.
  5. Forbes adds that Generation Z is motivated by security, may be more competitive, wants independence, will multi-task, is more entrepreneurial, wants to communicate face-to-face, is truly digital- native and wants to be catered to.

The article The Key to Managing a Multigenerational Team: Don’t Overthink It mentions the results of research conducted by the Robert Half company among finance leaders. The great differences were in these three areas:

  1. Communication skills (30 percent)
  2. The ability to adapt to change (26 percent)
  3. Technical abilities (23 percent)

Regarding communication skills, Baby Boomers tend to be more reserved, Gen X favors command-and-control, Gen Y prefers collaboration and Gen Z prizes in-person communications.

Regarding change management, Baby Boomers are cautious, Gen X and Gen Y see it as a new opportunity, and Gen Z is accustomed to change and even expects it.

Regarding technical ability, Baby Boomers and Gen X value instructor-led courses and self-learning tools, while Millennials prefer collaborative and technology-centered options.

Are Generational Differences a Myth?

In the article The Myth of Generational Differences in the Workplace, researcher Jennifer J. Deal argues that working-age generations value the same thing. Everyone wants a good relationship with their supervisors, are cautious of change, appreciate feedback and work the number of hours that corresponds to their role in the organization. She argues that differences between generations have much more to do with dealing with the extent of authority between generations, especially in families and at work.

The article Generational Differences: Myths and Realities mentions research findings that employees from different generations have a lot in common and that differences exist because of external factors such as global demographics, education and living costs, and other economic factors.

This article A 5-Year Study Reveals the Truth About What Each Generation Wants in the Workplace (It’s Not What You Think) mentions that a large study by the Hay Group found that differences between generations have more to do with the stage of development of employees, as opposed to their generation.

Guidelines for Managing Different Generations

Regardless of whether there are major differences between generations, problems can arise especially when perpetrating negative stereotypes of generations, for example, that traditionalists are rigid, baby boomers fear technology and millennials don’t work hard.

  1. Instead, ask each person about what they value in the workplace and how they prefer to work.
  2. During individual employee performance review meetings, respectfully ask each employee what could make the workplace even more supportive for them.
  3. Communicate to people according to their preferred communication styles.
  4. As much as practical, customize their work according to their preferences.
  5. Recognize your own biases. We all have them and they can greatly affect what we see — and don’t see — in the workplace.
  6. Understand that there are numerous different motivators and each person might be motivated by something quite different than another.
  7. Arrange ways for people from different generations to meet each other. That is one of the most powerful ways for people to overcome differences.
  8. Notice increasing frustrations and conflicts in the workplace. Ask for ideas from people from different generations to notice any patterns in the causes.
  9. Avoid talking about generational stereotypes. That can be offensive to many. People want to be recognized for their individuality.
  10. Use a leadership style that is participative and consensus-oriented, and explain the benefits of using that style.

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see the following blogs that have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the
sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to numerous free related resources.

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.


Posted on

Office Politics

Businesspeople Talking

Office Politics

Various Perspectives on Office Politics

Eliminate office politics and end many problems
in companies — Wichita Business Journal — 1998-02-09
Are You the Victim of Office Politics?
Office
Politics
Office Romances

Also consider
Building
Trust
Career Advancement (and Dealing With a Boss)
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict
(Interpersonal)
Etiquette
(Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Office Politics

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which
have posts related to Office Politics. Scan down the blog’s page to see various
posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or
click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books


Posted on

Negotiating with Others

Man and woman shaking hands after a deal

Negotiating with Others (Negotiation Skills)

Assembled by Carter McNamara,
MBA, PhD

Various Perspectives on Negotiating With Others

Win-Win Negotiation
Negotiation

Negotiation
Articles
Building Bridges Through Negotiation
Why Nobody Wins Unless Everybody Wins
How to Agreeably Disagree in 4 Steps
5 Things You Should Never Say While Negotiating
Negotiations: 3 Steps to a “YES” and a Great Relationship

Also consider
Building
Trust
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict
(Interpersonal)
Etiquette
(Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Negotiating

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see the following blogs
that have posts related to Negotiating. Scan down the blog’s page to see various
posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of
the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.
The blog also links to numerous free related resources.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books


Posted on

How to Value Diversity, Equity and Inclusion – Guidelines and Free Resources

Smiling-woman-writing-notes on-tablet-digital-device

How to Value Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

Sections of This Topic Include

Also consider
Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Multi-Culturalism and Diversity

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to Multi-Culturalism and Diversity. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Can Have a Huge Positive Affect

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

In today’s highly diverse organizations, the ability to work with people having diverse values and cultures is extremely important. An organization’s culture is driven by the values throughout that organization. Employees need to feel included — that their values are being recognized, understood and respected.

They need to feel that their ideas and concerns are being heard. Those conditions create strong motivation and momentum for strong satisfaction and performance in their jobs.

It can be a major challenge to work with people and cultures where others have values, beliefs and certain conventions that are distinctly different from yours. Differences can lead to increased resistance to leadership and change because others might not understand and trust you.

For example, Western cultures tend to be highly rational and value things that are very useful in meeting a current need. They value rugged individualism and competition. Some cultures might value patience, a sense of community and getting along with others, and still others might value direct authority and privacy. Some cultures may be overly deferential to the leader. Some cultures are deeply guarded about private matters.

You and your employees might not even realize that you all have very different values. There are no universal laws to ensure conformity in each culture. Because of complexities in continually learning the cultures of your organization, it is critical for you to continually be open to differences and ask for help from your employees.

Although working in highly diverse and multicultural organizations comes with its own unique challenges, it comes with many benefits, as well. There are few other such powerful experiences in which you can learn so much about people and organizations and also about yourself. The following guidelines are intended to focus on the most practical suggestions for appreciating diversity in life and work and also for supporting others and yourself to feel included.

Here are some articles that add to the above points:

But What Are Diversity, Equity and Inclusion?

Both have become prominent topics in today’s organizations. But what do both terms mean? Ferris State University suggests these definitions:

“Diversity is the range of human differences, including but not limited to race, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, social class, physical ability or attributes, religious or ethical values system, national origin, and political beliefs.

Inclusion is involvement and empowerment, where the inherent worth and dignity of all people are recognized. An inclusive university promotes and sustains a sense of belonging; it values and practices respect for the talents, beliefs, backgrounds, and ways of living of its members.”

It might help to consider a variety of different definitions.

How Well Is Your Organization Appreciating Diversity and Cultivating Inclusion?

Most people probably feel that they are very appreciative of diversity and always help others to feel included. Here are a variety of assessments that you might take about yourself and your organization to get a more accurate perspective.

Basic Guidelines to Improve Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

The following guidelines might be useful, especially if you are new to the organization.

1. Be aware of your personal biases, style, preferences, lens and focus.

This is critically important for successful leadership in any type of culture. You make a major difference in your organization, whether you know it or not, just by exposing it to your own nature and style of working. Thus, you need to understand your nature.

2. Realize that each part of an organization probably has a unique culture.

For example, the secretarial staff might interact with each other in a manner quite different from that of the marketing staff. In larger organizations, there are often several differences, for example, between senior management and support staff.

3. Promptly convey to employees that you want to be sensitive to their culture.

You should start in your first interaction with them. State that you recognize that different people might work differently depending on their own personalities and the culture of the overall organization. Ask them how you can understand the nature of their organization.

4. Consider getting a mentor, or representative, from the organization.

Attempt to get someone from the organization to help you understand their culture and how to work in a manner compatible with the culture of the organization. This request is not a sign of weakness or lack of expertise; rather it is an authentic request that better serves you and your employees.

How to Learn Basics About Another Person’s Values and Culture

Consider asking others to help you understand how each of the following aspects might be unique in the culture of the organization. Key cultural aspects that might affect your leadership include:

  • Assertiveness Are members of your organization comfortable being honest and direct with each other? If not, how can you still be as authentic as possible and help them to be as authentic as possible, as well?
  • Body language Are there any specific cues that you can notice to help you to sense how others are experiencing you?
  • Communication styles and direction Is communication fairly direct and specific or more indirect and general? Does information flow mostly “upward” to executives or is it widely disseminated?
  • Conflict Is conflict considered bad and avoided? Or is conflict accepted as normal and directly addressed when it appears?
  • Eye contact Are members of the organization comfortable with sustained eye contact during communication or not?
  • Gestures Are there any specific gestures that can cause members of the organization discomfort or confusion?
  • Humor Is use of humor in the organization rather widespread? Is there anything about the use of humor about which you should be aware?
  • Information collection Should you be aware of any potential problems or use any certain precautions when conducting interviews or using assessments?
  • Physical space For example, are members of your organization quite conscious of having a minimum amount of space around them when they work or speak with others?
  • Power Are members attuned to certain people of power when solving problems and making decisions? Is power based on authority and/or respect?
  • Silence Are members uncomfortable with silence during communication? Or is it a common aspect of communicating in their workplace?
  • Time Is time a precious commodity that seems to underlie many activities, or can activities take as long as they need to take to be done effectively?
  • Wording Are there certain words or phrasings that cause discomfort when people from different cultures interact?

How to Talk About Management and Leadership in Diverse Environments

It is not uncommon for people of any culture to experience confusion or engage in protracted arguments about activities only to realize later on that they have been in agreement all along – they had been using different definitions for the same terms. Therefore, it is important to ensure that all of you are “speaking the same language” about activities. The following guidelines are most important when ensuring people continue to understand each other when talking about management activities.

Recognize Difference Between Terms That Refer to Results Versus Activities to Produce Those Results

It is common for people from different cultures to become confused because different people are talking about results and others about the activities to produce the results. For example, some people refer to the “plan” to be the document, and others refer to the “plan” to be the activity of developing the plan. It is usually most clear to use the term “plan” to refer to the document itself, and use the term “planning” for the activities that produces the plan.

Here is another example. Inexperienced leaders sometimes assert that, because employees do not have a tangible plan/document on the shelf and do not explicitly reference the document on a regular basis, the employees are not doing planning. That assertion can alienate the leaders from employees who believe that they have been doing planning all along (but probably implicitly) and also have a good plan – they just have not been calling their process “planning” and have not produced a written plan document. Therefore, it is important for you to recognize if your employees have their own form of a certain activity and how that form is carried out in the organization.

Be Able to Separate a Term from the Meaning of That Term

If your conversations with others about management seem to get stuck or mired in confusion, it often helps to separate terms from the intent of those terms. For example:

  • Rather than talking about “vision” or “goals,” talk about “what” the business wants to accomplish overall.
  • Rather than talking about “strategies,” talk about “how” to accomplish “what” you want to accomplish overall.
  • Rather than talking about “action plans,” talk about “who is going to do what, and by when.”

Hints for Talking with Others About Leadership Activities

The topic of leadership has become so prominent and passionate with so many people that it sometimes causes great confusion. Here are a few tips to help people to “stay on the same page” when talking about leadership.

1. Be clear about whether you are talking about leadership roles or traits.

When people talk about leadership, they might be talking about traits of leaders, such as being charismatic, influential and ethical. However, when others talk about leadership, they might be talking about roles of leadership, such as the Board Chair or the Chief Executive Officer. Both discussions are about leadership, but both are about quite different aspects.

2. Be clear about the domain of leadership about which you are talking.

For example, when talking about leading yourself, you might be talking about leadership skills, such as being assertive or having good time and stress management skills. When talking about leading other individuals, you might be talking about skills, such as coaching, delegating or mentoring. When talking about leading groups, you might be talking about skills, such as facilitation or meeting management. When talking about leading organizations, you might be talking about skills, such as strategic planning or business planning. In each of these four cases, the term “leadership” refers to different sets of skills.

Strategies to Cultivate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in the Workplace

General Resources About Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources. Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.



Posted on

How to Develop Interpersonal and Soft Skills: Guidelines and Resources

Smiling business people chatting together

How to Develop Interpersonal and Soft Skills: Guidelines and Resources

Guidelines for developing interpersonal and soft skills are included in the books Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision in Business and Field Guide to Leadership and Supervision for Nonprofit Staff.

Sections of This Topic Include

What Are Soft Skills?

Some Definitions

You could read any 10 articles about the most important skills to have in your life and work, and you will probably find mention of “soft skills” in most of them. Other phrases you would find are “human skills” or “people skills”, which are other phrase referring to essentially the same type of skills. But what are soft skills? Wikipedia gives one of the most comprehensive definitions:

Soft skills are a combination of people skills, social skills, communication skills, character or personality traits, attitudes, career attributes, social intelligence and emotional intelligence quotients, among others, that enable people to navigate their environment, work well with others, perform well, and achieve their goals with complementing hard skills.

Investopedia adds:

In the workplace, soft skills are considered to be a complement to hard skills, which refer to a person’s knowledge and occupational skills. … Soft skills have more to do with who people are, rather than what they know. … Hard skills can be learned and perfected over time, but soft skills are more difficult to acquire and change.

Categories of Soft Skills

Marisa Morby suggests two categories, including internal and external soft skills. Internals are about how you relate to yourself and include, for example, self-confidence, self-awareness, accepting criticism, critical thinking, resilience and a growth mindset.

Examples of externals includes skills in collaboration, communications, interpersonal, managing conflict, adaptability, networking, influencing and negotiating.

Why Are They So Important?

Trust the Research

There is good reason for the frequent mention of soft skills, especially in the workplace. It is more than just a fad — plenty of research backs up their importance. For example, the National Soft Skills Association cites research conducted by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation and Stanford Research Center. It found that 85% of job success comes from having well-developed soft and people skills. The other 15% of job success comes from technical skills and knowledge (hard skills).

The American Management Association writes “Research conducted with Fortune 500 CEOs by the Stanford Research Institute International and the Carnegie Melon Foundation, found that 75% of long- term job success depends on people skills, while only 25% on technical knowledge.”

Google did an internal study about the traits of the most innovative and productive groups in the company. They found that the best teams were interdisciplinary and included employees who had strong soft skills.

What Are the Benefits of Soft Skills in Life and Work?

It improves a person’s ability to:

  • Better manage themselves by being more self-aware and accepting of themselves.
  • Be more resilient and adaptable, especially in complex and challenging situations.
  • Effectively work with others by having the self-confidence to give and receive useful feedback and coaching with others.
  • Really understand others by actively listening to them and empathizing with them.
  • Deal with interpersonal and group conflicts by fully understanding and accepting of other points of view.
  • Solve complex problems by having more effective critical thinking and collaborative skills.
  • Be a more effective leader by having more self-confidence and influence.
  • Advance in career development by having more effective networking.

How to Develop Soft Skills

First, remember that new learning is new knowledge, skills and abilities. New knowledge is information that is useful to you somehow. New skills are being able to effectively apply that new knowledge. New abilities are the capacity to effectively apply those skills in a variety of situations. So, to develop soft skills, you need to practice applying guidelines and materials about soft skills, ideally with the guidance of someone who has strong skills in teaching soft skills.

Consider the tips in the following useful articles:

Also consider forming a study group in which members can practice their soft skills with each
other.

Extensive Resources to Build Your Soft Skills

In the following, we will use Marisa Morby’s two categories of soft skills. The skills listed in each category do not necessarily match those in her article.

Internal Soft Skills

External Soft Skills

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

See the following blogs which have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.


Posted on

Etiquette (Manners)

Business men on suit having a handshake

Etiquette (Manners)

Various Perspectives on Etiquette and Manners

Welcome
to Manners Matter
Failing to observe good etiquette is bad manners,
bad for business
Etiquette at Work

Also consider
Building
Trust
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict
(Interpersonal)
Etiquette
(Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Etiquette

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which
have posts related to Etiquette. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts.
Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click
on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s Crisis
Management Blog
Library’s Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision
Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books


Posted on

How to Develop Skills in Empathy

Strat empathy on a white background

How to Develop Skills in Empathy

Test – How Good Are Your Empathy Skills Now?

Also consider
Related Library Topics

Test – How Good Are Your Empathy Skills Now?

Before reading more about empathy and empathy skills, it might be interesting to get an impression of the level of your skills now. Take this online quiz.

The Empathy Test

So what do you want to improve about your skills now? Consider the many guidelines in this topic.

Understand Your Biases and How They Affect Others

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

Your biases play a major role in how you perceive others. Your perceptions are your reality, whether they are the reality for someone else or not. Differences in perception between you and others can make the difference between successful leadership and a complete disaster. So know your own biases! For example:

  • Do you believe that leaders should “take charge” and lead from the front of the organization? If so, you might encounter frustration and resistance when working with others who believe that leaders should lead from the middle.
  • Do you believe that others should just “shut up and listen to you?” If so, they will probably only do what you say – and no more – until their frustration is overwhelming and they leave.
  • Do you believe that meetings should start and end on time? If so, you will certainly be frustrated with people from cultures that place far less emphasis on time.
  • Do you believe that most problems would be solved if people just did “what they were supposed to do”? What if people really do not know what they are supposed to do?

How to Put Yourself “in Their Shoes” – Skills in Empathy

What Is Empathy? Why Is It So Important?

Empathy is the ability to accurately put yourself “in someone else’s shoes”– to understand the other’s situation, perceptions and feelings from their point of view – and to be able to communicate that understanding back to the other person. Empathy is a critical skill for you to have as a leader.

It contributes to an accurate understanding of your employees, their perceptions and concerns. It also enhances your communication skills because you can sense what others want to know and if they are getting it from you or not. Ideally, your employees can learn skills in empathy from you, thereby helping them to become more effective leaders, managers and supervisors themselves.

Empathy is sometimes confused with sympathy. Sympathy involves actually being affected by the other person’s perceptions, opinions and feelings. For example, if an employee is frustrated and sad, the sympathetic leader would experience the same emotions, resulting in the leader many times struggling
with the same issues as the employee. Thus, sympathy can actually get in the way of effective leading.

Guidelines to Develop Empathy

1. Experience the major differences among people.

One of the best examples of strong skills in empathy is people who have traveled or worked in multicultural environments. They have learned that the way they see and experience things is often different from others.

People with little or no skills in empathy might have an intellectual awareness of these differences. However, until they actually experience these differences, their skills in empathy
will probably remain quite limited.

2. Learn to identify your own feelings – develop some emotional intelligence.

Many of us are so “processed” and “sophisticated” about feelings that we cannot readily identify them in ourselves, much less in others. For example, we might perceive thoughts to be the same as feelings. So when someone asks you how you feel about a project, you might respond, “I think we have a lot to do.” Or, we might not distinguish between related emotions, for example, between frustration and irritability or happiness and excitement.

3. Regularly ask others for their perspectives and/or feelings regarding a situation.

Silently compare their responses to what you might have thought they would be. This approach not only helps you to sharpen your own empathic skills, but also helps you to learn more about your employees.

Additional Perspectives on Developing Skills in Empathy

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see the following blogs that have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the
sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to
numerous free related resources.

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.


Posted on

How Others Through Emotional Pain

Woman Comforting a Friend

How to Help Others Through Emotional Pain

© Copyright Carter
McNamara, MBA, PhD

Sections of this Topic Include

We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way
Here is the Best Way
How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic
Support Your Friends, Start Support Groups
Other Useful Library Topics

When we try to help someone in emotional pain, we often feel like we want to
immediately solve the other person’s problem, to make them feel better. We usually
feel overwhelmed because we know there is no quick fix for the other person.

We Too Often Help in the Wrong Way

When people are feeling emotional pain, they want help. But they don’t want
to feel like they are a problem that needs to be solved — that they are person
who needs to be fixed.

Too often:

  • We try to fix them. “You are simply feeling that way because …”
  • We lecture them, like they are children. “You simply have to …”
    “You should …”
  • We dismiss their feelings. “It’ll be better tomorrow.” “Other
    people have it worse.” “Don’t feel that way …”
  • We try to pacify them. “Yeah, that must be terrible. Yep. Yeah. I see.
    That’s tough.”
  • We dismiss them altogether. We do most of the talking, so we don’t have
    to listen to them.

Here is the Best Way

When a person is feeling strong emotional pain, they know deep down that there
is no quick fix to their situation. They might be feeling guilty — and inadequate
that they can’t simply solve their problem on their own. They are usually feeling
very much alone.

We can best help the person by:

  • Being totally present for them.
  • Listening closely to them.
  • Accepting them — not judging them.
  • Being compassionate and understanding.
  • Helping to empower them — to taking some small realistic action about their
    situation, not matter how small.

Often, rather than continued advice, it’s best to do what many therapists do
instead. They respectfully and tactfully ask thoughtful questions to help the
person to explore their own thinking – their perceptions, assumptions and conclusions.

See this
Quick
Reference for a Helpful Conversation

Also see
The
Most Powerful Way to Help Someone through Emotional Pain
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
5
Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain
How to Support People
in Emotional Pain
5
Ways To Help Someone Who Is Emotionally Suffering
5
Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
To Respond Compassionately To Someone’s Suffering
5
Simple Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain
How
to Sit With Someone Else’s Pain

How to Help With COVID-19 Pandemic

Centers
for Disease Control Stress and Coping
Emotional
Well-Being During COVID-19 Outbreak
Mental Health and COVID-19
How
to Avoid Passing Anxiety On to Your Kids
Care for Your Coronavirus Anxiety
Tools
and Information On Anxiety
Social Support: Getting
and Staying Connected
Disaster
Stress Hotline
Quick
Reference For a Helpful Conversation

Support Your Friends, Start
Support Groups

The following website provides guidelines and free resources to share support
among a small group of friends. It also can help you to start support groups
as an ongoing service to others.
PeerSupportCircles.org

Other Useful Library Topics

Building
Trust
Communications
(Interpersonal)
Communications
(Organizational)
Communications
(Writing)
Conflict (Interpersonal)
Etiquette (Manners)
Handling
Difficult People
Diversity
and Inclusion
Negotiating
Office
Politics

Related Library Topics

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, also see
the following blogs that have posts related to this topic. Scan
down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section
“Recent Blog Posts” in the
sidebar of the blog or click on “next”
near the bottom of a post in the blog. The blog also links to
numerous free related resources.

Library’s
Coaching Blog
Library’s
Crisis Management Blog
Library’s
Leadership Blog
Library’s Supervision Blog

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.

Related Library Topics

Recommended Books


Posted on

How to Deal With Difficult People

How to Deal With Difficult People

Also consider

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to This Topic

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to this topic. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

How to Agreeably Disagree in 4 Steps

© Copyright Pam Solberg-Tapper

In today’s business world, it is imperative to be able to disagree with tact and professionalism. My coaching clients find themselves in situations where they disagree with others, yet need to rely on these same people to get work done. The way you tell someone that you disagree really matters. Agreeably Disagree is a helpful technique that lets you disagree with someone without damaging the relationship.

Here are 4 Steps to Agreeably Disagree:

1. Listen

Avoid cutting people off. Never tell them they are wrong – hear them out.

2. Acknowledge the other person’s idea/opinion/point of view by saying something like:

“I hear what you are saying”

“You have some points that make sense”

“I have not thought about it that way”

“That is an interesting perspective”

“I can see why you see it that way”

“I understand why you say that”

“I hear where you are coming from”

Be aware of your body language. Your words need to be congruent with your actions. If you roll your eyes while acknowledging, they will not believe that you are earnest.

3. Pause briefly. Use silence effectively.

Do not start out with “but, however, nevertheless”. These negative filler words will negate the fact that you are trying to hear them out. They often put people on the defensive and break down the communication.

4. State your idea/opinion/point of view by starting out with something like:

“In my experience, I…”

“My understanding is different. I …”

“Have you considered…”

“What about…”

“The literature/evidence says…”

“Because of …, I think…”

“The data I collected shows…”

Be sure to include evidence, facts, examples, personal experience, or data to substantiate your viewpoint.

By using the Agreeably Disagree technique, you preserve and strengthen the relationship by showing the other person that you heard them and respect them – even when you disagree.

5 Ways to Foster Healthy Communication in Conflict Situations

© Copyright Gail Zack Anderson

We all want to approach conflict situations with clear, honest communication that leads to a productive solution everyone can feel good about. But old habits and norms sometimes block direct, open communication. Use these suggestions as a checklist to see if you are communicating in the best possible way at your organization. If you aren’t, an open discussion and agreement to use these practices might be just what is needed to foster healthy, open communication in conflict situations.

  1. Talk directly to the person you need to talk with. Don’t go around them. Don’t talk about them. Don’t email them. Talk to them face to face if possible, or on the phone if necessary.
  2. Before engaging in a discussion, stop and ask, do we have the right people in the room? If others are needed to resolve the issue or to add input, get them into the discussion right away.
  3. When you are bringing up an issue or problem, be sure to also bring ideas for a solution. Don’t just bring up issues to get them off your chest or to complain, but rather come with either a request for help or possible solutions.
  4. Seek to understand the other person, whether you or the other person is bringing the conflict to light. How do their personal energies and styles differ from yours? How are they emotionally or rationally engaging with you? What are their perspectives? What are their perceptions?
  5. Use a simple model to help unravel the situation. Be sure you focus on the goal of the interaction, the facts leading up to the situation, the possible solutions, and the decisions you will make. Decide who will do what, and when. Enlist others as needed to complete the action plan. Follow-up to see that what you agreed on happened.

Conflict in communication is universal; being human, we have different wants and needs, and we don’t always communicate perfectly. Keep the lines of communication open, and keep an open mind.

Additional Perspectives on Dealing With Difficult Employees

Also consider

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.


Posted on

How to Deal With Conflict

People having Conflict while Working

How to Deal With Conflict

Sections of this Topic Include

Also consider
Related Library Topics

Note that many methods intended for addressing conflict between two people also might be considered as methods to address group conflict. Therefore, also see Conflict Management in Groups.

Learn More in the Library’s Blogs Related to Conflict Management

In addition to the articles on this current page, see the following blogs which have posts related to Conflict Management. Scan down the blog’s page to see various posts. Also see the section “Recent Blog Posts” in the sidebar of the blog or click on “next” near the bottom of a post in the blog.

Clarifying Confusion About Conflict

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

Conflict occurs with two or more people who, despite their first attempts at agreement, do not yet have agreement on a course of action, usually because their values, perspectives and opinions are contradictory in nature. Conflict can occur:

  1. Within yourself when you are not living according to your values.
  2. When your values and perspectives are threatened.
  3. When there is discomfort from fear of the unknown or from lack of fulfillment.

Conflict is inevitable and often necessary when forming high-performing teams because they evolve through “form, storm, norm and perform” periods. Getting the most out of diversity often means addressing contradictory values, perspectives and opinions. Conflict is often needed. It:

  • Helps to raise and address problems.
  • Energizes work to be focused on the most important priorities.
  • Helps people “be real” and motivates them to fully participate.
  • Helps people learn how to recognize and benefit from their differences.

Conflict is not the same as discomfort. The conflict is not the problem – poor management of the conflict is the problem. Conflict is a problem when it:

  • Hampers productivity.
  • Lowers morale.
  • Causes more and continued conflicts.
  • Causes inappropriate behaviors.

Types of Managerial Actions That Cause Workplace Conflicts

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

1. Poor communications

  • Employees experience continual surprises, for example, they are not informed of major decisions that affect their workplaces and lives.
  • Employees do not understand the reasons for the decisions – they are not involved in the decision-making.
  • As a result, they trust the “rumor mill” more than their management.

2. The alignment or the amount of resources is insufficient. There is:

  • Disagreement about “who does what.”
  • Stress from working with inadequate resources.

3.“Personal chemistry,” including conflicting values or actions, for example:

  • Strong interpersonal natures among workers do not seem to match.
  • We do not like others because they seem too much like ourselves (we often do not like in others what we do not like in ourselves).

4. Leadership problems

For example, inconsistent, missing, too-strong or uninformed leadership (at any level in the organization), evidenced by:

  • Avoiding conflict, “passing the buck” with little follow-through on decisions.
  • Employees see the same continued issues in the workplace.
  • Supervisors do not understand the jobs of their subordinates.

Key Managerial Actions / Structures to Minimize Conflicts

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

1. Regularly review job descriptions. Get your employee’s input to them. Ensure:

  • Job roles do not conflict.
  • No tasks “fall in a crack.”

2. Intentionally build relationships with all subordinates.

  • Meet at least once a month alone with them in office.
  • Ask about accomplishments, challenges and issues.

3. Get regular, written status reports that describe:

  • Accomplishments.
  • Currents issues and needs from management.
  • Plans for the upcoming period.

4. Conduct basic training about:

  • Interpersonal communications.
  • Conflict management.
  • Delegation.

5. Develop procedures for routine tasks and include the employees’ input.

  • Have employees write procedures when possible and appropriate.
  • Get employees’ review of the procedures.
  • Distribute the procedures.
  • Train employees about the procedures.

6. Regularly hold management meetings with all employees.

For example, every month, communicate new initiatives and status of current products or services.

7. Consider an anonymous suggestion box in which employees can provide suggestions.

This can be powerful means to collect honest feedback, especially in very conflicted workplaces.

Ways People Deal With Conflict

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

There is no one best way to deal with conflict. It depends on the current situation. Here are the major ways that people use to deal with conflict:

1. You can avoid it.

Pretend it is not there or ignore it. Use this approach only when it simply is not worth the effort to argue. Be aware that this approach tends to worsen the conflict over time.

2. You can accommodate it.

You can give in to others, sometimes to the extent that you compromise yourself. Use this approach very sparingly and infrequently, for example, in situations when you know that you will have another more useful approach in the very near future. Usually this approach tends to worsen the conflict over time, and causes conflicts within yourself.

3. You can compete with the others.

You can work to get your way, rather than clarifying and addressing the issue. Competitors love accommodators. Use this approach when you have a very strong conviction about your position.

4. Compromising.

You can engage in mutual give-and-take. This approach is used when the goal is to get past the issue and move on together.

5. Collaborating.

You can focus on working together. Use this approach when the goal is to meet as many current needs as possible by using mutual resources. This approach sometimes raises new mutual needs. Collaboration can also be used when the goal is to cultivate ownership and commitment.

To Manage a Conflict with Another Person

© Copyright Carter McNamara, MBA, PhD

1. Know what you do not like about yourself, early on in your career.

  • We often do not like in others what we do not want to see in ourselves.
  • Write down 5 traits that really bug you when see them in others.
  • Be aware that these traits are your “hot buttons.”

2. Manage yourself. If you and/or another person are getting upset, then manage yourself to stay calm:

  • Speak to the person as if the other person is not upset – this can be very effective!
  • Avoid use of the word “you” – this avoids your appearing to be blaming the person.
  • Nod your head to assure the person that you heard him/her.
  • Maintain eye contact with the person.

3. Move the discussion to a private area, if possible.

  • Many times, moving to a new environment invites both of you to see or feel differently.

4. Give the other person time to vent.

  • Do not interrupt the person or judge what he/she is saying.

5. Verify that you are accurately hearing each other. When the other person is done speaking:

  • Ask the person to let you rephrase (uninterrupted) what you are hearing to ensure you are hearing it correctly.
  • To understand the person more, ask open-ended questions (avoid “why” questions – those questions often make people feel defensive).

6. Repeat the above step, for the other to verify that he/she is hearing you. Describe your perspective:

  • Use “I”, not “you.”
  • Talk in terms of the present as much as possible.
  • Quickly mention your feelings.

7. Acknowledge where you disagree and where you agree.

  • One of the most powerful means to resolve conflict is to mention where you both agree.

8. Discuss the matter on which you disagree, not the nature of the other person.

  • Ask “What can we do fix the problem?” The person might begin to complain again.
  • Then ask the same question. Focus on actions you both can do.
  • Ask the other person if they will support the action(s).
  • If the person will not, then ask for a “cooling off period”.

9. Thank the person for working with you.

  • It takes patience for a person to engage in meaningful conversation during conflict. Acknowledge and thank the other person for his/her effort.

10. If the situation remains a conflict, then:

  • Conclude if the other person’s behavior violates one of the personnel policies and procedures in the workplace and if it does, then follow the policy’s terms for addressing that violation.
  • Otherwise, consider whether to agree to disagree.
  • Consider seeking a third party to mediate.

Additional Perspectives on Conflict Management

Basic Advice (Suggestions, Steps and Tips)

Also consider

Related Library Topics

Towards Broader Views on Conflict in Organizations

Assessments

Miscellaneous Topics

General Resources About Conflict Management

For the Category of Interpersonal Skills:

To round out your knowledge of this Library topic, you may want to review some related topics, available from the link below. Each of the related topics includes free, online resources.

Also, scan the Recommended Books listed below. They have been selected for their relevance and highly practical nature.